The Cutprice Guignol

The Ninth Year: The Haunting of Swill House

Category: random dickery

TV Characters I Would Fight, Part Two

Thanks for all your lovely messages of support (and some frankly mean ones of snark, but hey) on my post yesterday, they are all much appreciated and spurred me on over my first major hurdle. And, in light of the fact I have the Not Smoking Rage, it seems as if now is as good a time as any to follow up on that TV Characters I Would Fight list from a few weeks ago, because I realized, with everyone commenting to let me know who they would pummel given the chance, that I had missed out on some frankly embarrassingly obvious choices. To the list!

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Operation Quit Smoking: Part One

Hello, I’m Louise. For reference, this is me:

 

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And the corner of the very cool “Visit London by Tardis” poster I got at a Comic-Con a few months ago, which now taunts me as Doctor Who continues to get worse and worse.

I love smoking.

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Reviewing Every Movie I’ve Seen This Year

Well, it’s election day, which means we’re all way too antsy to sit down and read anything heavy because we need to get up and check the poll numbers one last time dammit so I’m fulfilling my national duty by providing some futile form of distraction to keep you busy until ten tonight when everything stops and starts. Basically, I’ve been to see a bunch of films this year that I never got around to reviewing, so here’s my hot take on shit you’ve lost interest in by now!

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TV Characters I Would Fight

Right (drinks deeply from cheap pint) so (gestures wildly with lit fag) I have really strong opinions about TV characters, and basically, here is a list of characters I would strongly enjoy fighting provided that somehow we were relatively evenly matched and also they would let me win. To the list!

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Things That Will Definitely Happen in Fargo Season Three

After re-watching seasons one and two of Fargo, I have some thoughts on what will go down in season three.

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Trouble Clef Release Announcement!

Hello, everyone, and I hope you’re having a great week so far. Mine is going brilliantly, thanks in no small part to the fact that today is the release date for my new novella, Trouble Clef!

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Maya has spent decade putting her time as one quarter of a world-famous girl band, Trouble Clef, behind her, along with the intense romance she shared with her closeted bandmate Kyra. But now, ten years after their last controversial show, Trouble Clef has a chance to pick up where they left off with a reunion tour, and Maya is forced to face the past—and the undeniable feelings she still has for Kyra—once more.

As some of you may know, I write romance and erotica under the pen name Kara Lowndes. Trouble Clef – yes, that title is a straight-up shameless pun and I’ll never apologise for it –  is a contemporary lesbian romance novella, and it’s very gay and pretty funny and I’m very excited for you to read it. It’s available as an ebook and is Kindle compatible, so if you’re looking for something short, sweet, and sexy to get you through till summer, I have just the thing for you…

Trouble Clef is published by Evernight Publishing, and is available through Amazon (UK and USA) as well as the publisher’s website. If you’re looking for something shorter, I released a contemporary lesbian short story (Amazon link) last year that might hit the spot (pun more than intended).

Questions I Have About The Walking Dead Finale

You might think I’ve grown weary of hating on The Walking Dead. You’d be wrong. Spoilers ahead for the season seven finale. Without further ado: a list of questions I still have after last night’s episode. The First Day of the Rest of Your Life.

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The Defenders Shows, Ranked

With Iron Fist finally out and the team-up Defenders series due out later this year, it struck me that I haven’t actually written about any of the other Defenders shows. And that’s a shame, because I have some OPINIONS. On with the ranking! From worst to best:

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I’LL STAND FOR THIS NO LONGER

I’m in just the worst mood today, so it’s time for a rant that I’ve been sitting on for way too long. Don’t @ me, as this is extremely important and maybe the worst thing happening on TV right now.

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There aren’t enough vom emojis in the world for this

 

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Indulge Me in Some Insane Riverdale Fan Theories

Yeah, it’s only been a couple of weeks since I wrote about Riverdale, but since I’ve spent most of the intervening time staring into the middle distance, squinting slightly and thinking about this gloriously gothic teen drama. Yeah, it’s not perfect, but it is wildly compelling and by far one of my most-anticipated weekly releases (because hey, I don’t see any other shows having Dark Betty boil men in hot tubs, you know?). Of course, this season revolves around the mystery of Jason Blossom – who killed him, why, and what was he running from when he was fleeing the town of Riverdale? Well, I am a sucker for fan theories, and am not above throwing my hat in the ring, so let’s get down on some of my more poorly thought-out rantings and ravings!

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