The Cutprice Guignol

The Sixth Year: American Sigh Story

RAPE JOKES: Release Date + Pre-orders!

Ah! It’s Friday and I have some exciting news to share. I feel like I’ve been trying to keep from just blurting this out on the internet all week long, so I’m just going to get right to it.

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Movie Review: The Day Shall Pass

Has woke culture really ruined comedy?

No But Listen

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American Horror Story S9E5: Red Dawn

The pre-credits scene for this episode, Red Dawn, oozes with the promise of what I really want American Horror Story to be. Dede, pre-show, attempts to catch her philandering father out with one of his hook-ups. In the process, she discovers that he is actually a serial killer, and that she has stumbled across one of his kills mid-slaughter. It’s a violent sequence, yes – I had to watch giblets jiggling out of someone’s split-open torso – but it’s driven by the confrontation between Dede and her father and…it’s just great.

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Movie Review: Joker

Joker is far from perfect – but is it worth the adulation?

No But Listen

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An Insomniac’s Guide to Insomnia

Hi, I’m Louise, I’m twenty-four, and I never fucking learned how to sleep!

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Scare Your Kids: An Ode to the Family Horror Movie

Let me talk to you about how much I love The Mummy please

No But Listen

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ALPHA FEMALE Mini Erotica Scene

Alright, it’s Saturday, and you know what I haven’t done in a while? Shared some of my erotica writing. And what better gift to treat you, my wonderful readers to, on a weekend but a little voyeuristic oral sex? In case you missed it, I released a femdom-themed erotica series last year, called ALPHA FEMALE, that you can get your hands on right here in its entirety. Take a look at one of the smoking-hot sex scenes below. NSFW/18+ under the jump:

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American Horror Story S9E4: True Killers

Look, for the love of fuck, alright? Can we just? Can we just for once? Can we just for once not?


Can we just for once not try to make a notorious and real-life serial killer and rapist and noted misogynist into some sexy object of lusty feminine desire? Can we stop depicting bisexual people as oversexed, immoral psychopaths? Can we stop dragging out esteemable talent like John Carrol Lynch and paste on comically bad dialogue for them to attempt to emote through? Can this show just not be shit in every way it’s possible to be shit for one singular second?

Maybe I’m just in a bad mood today. But this week’s episode, True Killers, just rubbed me all kinds of the wrong way. My biggest problem with this season is probably the inclusion and overt sexualisation of Richard Ramirez; look, Zach Villa, the actor playing him, isn’t entirely the problem here, though his perma-snarl is slightly embarrassing by this point. But why, oh why, oh why, did the show decide that showing him as a sexy bad boy was the way to go? If you must indulge that trope, invent someone to do it with – if you must include Ramirez, don’t spend four episodes underlining how sexy and damaged and in need of the love of a good woman he is. I‘m abjectly fucking tired of the intense interest that pop culture has taken in violent misogynists lately, and American Horror Story has been an atrocious offender of this trope of late.

Okay, I’ve got that out of my system. But that’s not to say that even beyond that this episode has a lot to offer. American Horror Story has always attracted actors of notoriously high quality, but these last few seasons it’s just been aggressively wasting them: Cody Fern is a tremendous dramatic actor, but  feels as out-of-place here in the low-effort camp as he did last season, while John Carroll Lynch just isn’t getting the meat he needs to get into this performance (I recently watched No-End House, which featured him as a villain, and his incredible mix of empathy, tragedy, and terror proves that he knows just how to do this). Emma Roberts gives good bitch but is grossly miscast as the final girl-adjacent here, and somehow Matthew Morrison seems to be the only person tonally suited to this mess of a season so far, which is something of a horror story in and of itself given, you know, his previous work.

Of course, we’re prime time for the twist everyone saw coming: Lesley Grossman was actually the one to commit the killing spree that initially closed the camp, and pinned it all on Benji/Jingles to get away with it. It’s been so strongly telegraphed that it barely even counts as a twist, but it still leaves a lot of cheerfully unanswered questions about why Benji has become an actual serial murderer in the intervening time. Well, I suppose they try to offer an answer to that in a few scenes of him receiving violent electroshock therapy, which, and I don’t want to bang on this drum too much, but as a therapeutic tool really has a much worse name than it needs to have and is very useful for a lot of people, and could probably use American Horror Story not using it as a spooky trope?

Every season, I come in to these recaps thinking I might not be inherently irritated by what I’m going to see. Every season, I am made to look a clown (also speaking of clowns, read our Joker review). This show wants to sexify the image of real serial killers, waste numerous talented performers (and behind-the-scenes staff too – Jennifer Lynch directs this episode, and does really well with it despite the irritating subject matter), and generally just regurgitate boring horror tropes and call it prestige meta-narrative.

If you liked this article and want to see more stuff like it, check out my Game of Thrones snark-caps, my Doctor Who reviews, and my Star Wars movie retrospective on my other blog, No But Listen. As ever, please consider supporting me on Patreon for access to exclusive posts and a chance to choose what I write about!

(header image via TV Fix)

The Best of Alternative Halloween Horror TV

Hi! I’m Louise, I’m twenty-four, and the only thing that gives my life meaning is the horror genre! It’s October, which means I actually have a tenuous reason to talk about the genre for a change, as if I need one.

I’m a huge fan of horror television, and man, is there some good stuff out there – The Haunting of Hill House, Marianne, the first two seasons of American Horror Story but Certainly Not the newest ones – but I want to share some of my newest discoveries to creep you out this Halloween season. From slashers to zombies to, uh, miscellaneous, let’s dive into the sPoOkiEst series out there.

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Star Wars Cinematic Universe Retrospective: Solo: A Star Wars Story

A meritless Star Wars movie? More likely than you think

No But Listen

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The Little Things

You ever see those adverts for Pepsi? The ones that list off a bunch of adjectives in a row about how great Pepsi is? Lip-smacking, thirst-quenching, ace-tasting, and so on and so forth. I get them stuck in my head a lot, because my useless hellbrain likes to torment me with nonsense that serves no purpose in my day-to-day life.

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