Ah! It’s Friday and I have some exciting news to share. I feel like I’ve been trying to keep from just blurting this out on the internet all week long, so I’m just going to get right to it.
Hurrah! We’re back with another Harry Potter recap on this fine fucking freezing Sunday morning, so let’s get right into it. Oh, shit, more importantly: my book is available for pre-order as of RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and you should get on that please and so many thank yous. Here’s where we left off last time if you need reminding. To the chapter!
Before we start this week, I’d just like to draw your attention to the fact that my debut novel, RAPE JOKES, is available for pre-order right here and right now!
Well, we’re back – and in the break, it feels as though everything in Riverdale has gotten a lot more…concentrated.
I’m seven years old, and I’m standing in front of an unopened packet of new toothbrushes: four, one for each member of my family. And I know I have a big choice in front of me, because the colour of the one I choose will dictate the safety of all of them. Red? No, too close to blood, which is murder, which is death. Green? A shorthand for sickness, which is death. Blue? Water, which could be drowning, which is death. I settle for yellow, even though it could represent the sun swelling to destroy the whole planet, but that seems like the least likely potential death scenario so, reluctantly, I brush my teeth with that one. I know, somewhere inside me, that this is a lot of worry to be applying to a toothbrush, but I’m not risking disaster for some foolish green-toothbrushed hubris.
The cat’s down for a nap, I have a cup of tea and a fully-charged vape next to me, and I am ready to rock and roll with this recap so I can spend the rest of this evening doing this: