The Cutprice Guignol

The Fourth Year: American Horror Snorey

Final Fifty Shades Darker Recap: Chapter Twenty-Two

And so, friends, we reach the end of another Fifty Shades “book”. Hush, hush, hold your tears, for as soon as my American Horror Story recaps are done, I’ll be back for the final segment of this thrillogy. In the meantime- Let’s. Do. It.

tumblr_n7kokbi7ub1ssbvp5o1_500

Read the rest of this entry »

American Horror Story Recaps: Chapter Two

Since last week’s recap, I have been drowning under a big pile of work while this blog has lain sadly dormant, but more importantly, Sarah Paulson won a fucking Emmy! I mean, not for American Horror Story, so this is tangential at best, but still. At last! And she looked like some kind of divine, haughty mermaid while she did it. Ugh, this news has been making me smile all week. Sarah Paulson might legitimately be the peak human we have to offer right now, and I’m fine with that.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter Twenty-One

Quick side-note: I wrote about Fifty Shades and consent in pop culture earlier this week, and you can find the article here if you missed it.

You know there are only thirty-three pages left in this hideous book? I can’t believe how quickly we ploughed through this one- and, with the glistening prospect of Fifty Shades Freed on the horizon, how far we still have left to go. This is the second-last chapter (!) of Darker, and Ana has just given Christian some time in the playroom as a birthday present.

Christian asks if there’s anything Ana doesn’t want, and she replies that she doesn’t want him taking pictures of her- a clear reference to the fact she found his stash of photos of previous subs, which she still hasn’t confronted him about, by the way. He’s baffled, but agrees, and they enter the playroom, where Christian puts on some music.

Read the rest of this entry »

American Horror Story Recaps: Chapter One

So, in the absence of Doctor Who, my recapping muscles have been twitching, rumbling, desperate for use. I needed something to fill that void. A new show to cover-something that fits the Doctor Who mould. Something from a creator I love to hate. Something that can either be fantastic or fucking abominable. Something I’ve watched, passionately, for years. Something…spooky.

american-horro-story-symbolism

Read the rest of this entry »

Fifty Shades of Grey, The Path, and Pop Culture’s Consent Problem

I don’t think it’s out-there to say that pop culture has something of a problem with consent. I’ve been thinking about this particular subject recently, after I published a Fifty Shades Darker recap in which the leading man raped the leading lady- because a lot of the conversations I had surrounding that scene pointed to the fact that, while she initially said no, when he carried on, she relented and they ended up having sex.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter Twenty

Another week, another Fifty Shades Derper recap. Hey, in Fifty Shades-adjacent news, did you hear that Jamie Dornan will allegedly be getting his cock out in the next movie? I’m not particularly bothered about seeing Jamie’s Dornan, but at least that will balance out all of the female nudity in the last movie. Because, you know, this is a series of books meant to appeal to straight women, and all.

Read the rest of this entry »

Great British Bake-Off Contestants, Rated

So, The Great British Bake-Off is back, and I couldn’t be happier (literally; I am never at a better time in my life than across the ten weeks this show airs. The rest of the year is just wind carried by ashes). And, apart from my one post all that time ago, I haven’t written much about it. Let’s remedy that, with an arbitrary ranking of the remaining contestants based on how much I want them to win (and how much I think they actually might).

landscape-1471341896-great-british-bake-off-2016

Read the rest of this entry »

Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter Nineteen

We left off last week with the delicious prospect of Christian vanishing from the face of the Earth, marking this the first chapter I’m actually looking forward to recapping. On with the show!

tumblr_n3mopcuhro1t9koxto1_250

Read the rest of this entry »

So, Who Died in The Walking Dead?

Yes, this question, the very same one I address Twitter after every episode of everyone’s favourite zombie-exterminating TV show, carries a particular relevance after the last episode of season six. And, for no particular reason other than the fact I was reason a hilarious article about what NBC originally wanted The Walking Dead to be, I think it’s time to talk about the cliffhanger that I liked and everyone else wanted to feed to the Governor’s zombie daughter- who Negan killed at the end of season six.

the-walking-dead-negan-jeffrey-dean-morgan-last-day-on-earth

Read the rest of this entry »

Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter Eighteen

If you’re looking to kick your weekend off with a dizzying spiral of boredom, frustration, and bad writing, I’ve got you covered. To the recap!

We left off with Christian driving Ana back from their appointment with Christian’s therapist (“therapist”), but Christian announces that he’s taking Ana for a “surprise” visit somewhere. I’m not saying this is going to end up with some Dexter-esque torture-murder dealio, but…

8zjlm

Yeah.

Read the rest of this entry »