The Cutprice Guignol

The Fifth Year: How to Get Away with Meh

27/01/2017 Issue 3

Great wee blog with a weekly run-down of what’s actually interesting in the world of football!

The Fitbaw Weekly

This week Arsene Wenger lost the plot!

He swears his shove on Fourth Official, Anthony Taylor, was merely a demonstration of a lifesaving technique should an oncoming lorry burst through the tunnel. I joke of course, poor Arsene was seriously disturbed by the strange things going on at the Emirates that day. The Gunners 2-1 win over struggling Burnley was anything but normal. Arsenal went into the lead at the beginning of the second half through a Shkodran Mustafi goal, only to play the final 25 minutes with 10-men after the sending off of Granit, “oh shiny red card”, Xhaka (he will now miss the next 4 games). Burley were awarded a penalty which was converted by Andre Grey in extra time levelling the scoring. An enraged Arsene had a run in with the fourth official and was sent to the stands – only he refused to go. The Frenchman…

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Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter Two

Iiiiiiit’s Friday night! You know what that means (no, not that). It’s time for another Fifty Shades Freed recap! It’s early enough in the game at this point for me to still slightly enjoy writing these, and it’s only a matter of time before I spin out into my usual furious depression over these books once more. So, with that grim inevitability in mind, let’s thunder on!

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Vikings, S4E19: On the Eve

I went into this week’s episode, On the Eve, with something close to trepidation; a number of reviews had been pretty dismissive of the episode, and, after a wobbly few weeks for the show, I was seriously worried that this would be the one where it lost it’s way. After all, the show has a lot of work to do to get things back on track after Ragnar’s death, and it seemed like his presence haunted Vikings in a way that seemed to hold it back from fully escaping his shadow-maybe this, the second-last episode of the season, would prove to be a cracking point as the show buckled under the weight of the loss of it’s lead character?

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The Academy Awards: Who Will Win and Who Should Win

Well, another year, another batch of Oscars for me to snit over. I think this year has been a substantially better year for movies than the last couple of times I’ve written these articles-but I still have some bones to pick with the major categories, because what’s life without a little snark? On with the predictions!

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Movie Review: Split

Ah, M. Night Shayamalan. I know a lot of people have mixed feelings towards the director whose name is synonymous with “twist ending that makes you slap your forehead in annoyance that you didn’t get it in the first place and/or because it’s totally shit”, but I really don’t- I really like him. Well, I’m not defending The Last Airbender or The Happening, but I have a serious soft spot for even some of his more maligned movies like Lady in the Water and The Village. Hell, I even liked his last movie, The Visit, a very competent found-footage horror that was actually-whisper it- scary. Not to mention, of course, the handful of bonafide brilliant movies he has under his belt- The Sixth Sense (obviously), Unbreakable, and Signs. He’s a director I’m always interested in, because he seems to operate slightly outside the Hollywood standard, for better or for worse.

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Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter One

Happy Saturday! As the world rumbles towards an apparently inevitable doom, it seemed about time that I return to my pit of despair, my white whale- yes, that’s right, it’s finally time to take on the final part of the Fifty Shades Trilogy. With the next movie only a few weeks away, it’s prime time to throw myself at the mercy of the world’s sexiest writer once more. And hope this time she doesn’t force me to read about getting hit on the clitoris with a horsewhip. If you’re new to the blog, catch up on my recaps here; if not, once more into the breach, dear friends- or, indeed, into the bleach, which I imagine I’ll want to chug a litre of by the time this is done. To the first chapter!

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Do you get it? Because she’s called Louise and so am…forget it, I’m wasted on this blog.

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Vikings Recaps, S4, E18: Revenge

Well, talk about your game of two halves.

I still think Vikings is a great show. It’s just that it’s doing some major restructuring in the final quarter of this season, and sometimes I can see the dust and debris strewn about a little too obviously, you know?

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Sherlock Review: The Final Problem

Right. Okay. One last time. Let’s do this thing!

We don’t know whether or not The Final Problem will be the, uh, final problem, but the season four closer really felt like an ending. And if it was, Sherlock died (mostly) as it lived- pretentious, overblown, and, despite it all, a little bit compelling.

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Vikings Recap, S4E17: The Great Army

Sorry I’m a little late- I’ve been very busy talking about other things and going to see a bunch of movies because Oscar season, bitch!

(On a brief aside- if you’re looking for something to see, I cannot recommend the new Scorsese movie Silence enough. If you like beautifully shot, sweeping historical epics with a focus on religion and faith, which you do if you like Vikings, you HAVE to see it)

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Review: A (First) Series of Unfortunate Events

You know, in some ways, I’m quite disappointing. Because the fact the Netflix’s new Series of Unfortunate Events adaptation is nigh-on perfect, I don’t get to write a gloomy review a la Lemony Snicket’s classic series.

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