Questions I Have About The Walking Dead Finale
You might think I’ve grown weary of hating on The Walking Dead. You’d be wrong. Spoilers ahead for the season seven finale. Without further ado: a list of questions I still have after last night’s episode. The First Day of the Rest of Your Life.
- Sure would have liked to see the scenes where Ezekial was training that tiger to attack only the Bad Guys – not like she’s a wild animal who could have turned around and mauled anyone once she was off her leash. Or does she just really enjoy the flavour o’ Saviors?
- We all love Michael Cudiltz, whatever, but were those fantasy sequences between him and Sasha solely there to cut through any tension the episode might have built up?
- Did anyone else think Sasha was masturbating in that opening shot of her in the coffin?
- Why do the Trash Humpers speak only in broken half-sentences? The Zombie apocalypse only happened about two years ago, and yet they’re already at Daryl-levels of incomprehensible grunting.
- Do the Trash Humpers drive around in bin lorries because it fits their Instagram #aesthetic as literal garbage people? Is that the reason for their leader’s terrible fringe, too?
- I know Rick is an idiot, but why was Michonne so willing to blindly trust the Trash Humpers and their ilk? Is the RickDick really that good that he’s literally fucked most of her brains out? Also, when did she get so shit at fighting? Oh, when the plot called for it for some narrative tension? I remember now.
- Pretty rich of Tara to be all “Kill that dude who participated in the wanton murder of my loved one, yeah!” when she worked with The Governor and had a hand in the savage beheading of an innocent old man, right?
- Is Maggie actually pregnant? Did she just say that because she was worried Glenn was getting distant and then he died and now she’s stuck being all “uh, yeah, guess I carry the last few crumbs of his genetic make-up, just don’t ask about it or wonder why I haven’t put on so much as a pound, it’s real, trust me”?
- Will TWD budget in thousands of dollars in chiropracting costs for Jeffery Dean Morgan, who spends of his time on screen leaning so far over I think he’s trying to limbo his way off-camera and out of this show for good?
- Did you know Garrett Dillahund was up for the character of Negan? Can you imagine how much better that would have been?
- Is it Nee-gan or Nay-gan?
- Maggie’s speech at the end read to met as “yeah, a bunch of people died or whatever, sorry for your loss, RIP, but can we talk about Glenn and how great a guy he was and how lucky I was to get his sweet dick”. Anyone else?
- How much more exciting and unexpected would this finale have been if they blew up Eugene when he was standing outside Alexandria? I like the character, but God, anything to spice things up at this point.
- What, was Joe Swanberg directing those fight scenes at the end? The camera was so shaky basically no shot flowed into the next, and it was left an ugly, messy, boring yawn-fest.
- Doesn’t Lennie James deserve better than this?! See also, Melissa Mcbride, Seth Gillian.
- Is anyone actually coming back for season eight?