by thethreepennyguignol

I’m in just the worst mood today, so it’s time for a rant that I’ve been sitting on for way too long. Don’t @ me, as this is extremely important and maybe the worst thing happening on TV right now.


There aren’t enough vom emojis in the world for this


So, the last episode of The Flash was a musical outing that ended with Barry Allen singing a godawful song to his girlfriend (written by the people behind La La Land, so what the fuck did I expect) and- wait, actually, give me a second here, because can we just ban people singing songs at people as if it’s romantic? For some reason I seem to have attracted a number of people who’ve done this to me over the years and it’s the most awkward, uncomfortable thing ever, and yet you have to sit there nodding and smiling and acting a though you’re not wondering when the fuck it’s going to finally end already. It’s the actual worst. Well, second to the point of this article, but bear with me.

So, yeah, he’s singing this song to his girlfriend and he proposes and it’s all supposed to be terribly romantic, right? Except for one thing; HIS GIRLFRIEND IS HIS FUCKING SISTER.


Every day we move further from God’s light

When Barry was a kid, his mother was murdered and his father arrested and he ended up getting adopted by Joe West, a kindly cop and the father of Iris West. I’ve known distantly that Barry and Iris are endgame for a while now, but I did not anticipate the level of boke that them getting together would actually drag out of me. There isn’t even a catchy ship name for them! What, Biris? Iarry? It’s not meant to be, OBVIOUSLY.

I mean, these two were raised together. Joe refers to both of them as “his kids” well after they are in a romantic and sexual relationship. Barry has a line in his damn proposal song about knowing they were destined to be together since the very moment they laid eyes on one another, you know, when they were children being raised by the same father. I don’t give a shit that they’re not actually related – they grew up, for all intents and purposes, as siblings, and while Iris went on to have relationships with other men who weren’t HER BROTHER, Barry spent the whole time pining pathetically over her, waiting for her partners to drop dead so he could pounce on HIS SISTER.


Maybe it’s just because I have an older brother of my own, or maybe, just maybe, it’s because this entire relationship is pretty much the grossest thing in the world, but this whole love story is severely undermining my enjoyment of The Flash (limited in the last couple of seasons because it got really shit but that’s another article for another time). In Supergirl, Kara Zor-El has an adopted sister of her own, but no-one would dream for a second that it would be appropriate for them to get together because they are depicted as siblings. They were raised by the same parents, grew up in the same house, and that obviously renders any romantic attraction ridiculous to even consider. And yet over on The Flash, Barry and Iris are canoodling away and making each other pointlessly enormous post-sex breakfasts AND NO-ONE IS BATTING AN EYELID.

I refuse to accept that, both in-universe and outside of it, anyone is okay with this plotline taking place. I keep expecting Joe to quietly intervene, take one of them aside, and admit that he was hoping the whole thing would run it’s course but they have to stop know because it’s genuinely not alright and everyone is being made sincerely uncomfortable by it. The Flash doesn’t seem particularly keen to wrap up any story with any level of satisfaction any time soon, but the answer to this one is right there, and it’s to end it now while there’s still time to save both of them from making me hurl so hard that I bring up a breakfast I had two months ago.