The Cutprice Guignol

The Ninth Year: The Haunting of Swill House

The Best and Worst of 2016

Well, that’s it- the end of what has been the worst year in living memory if you only ask millenials. But amongst the terrifying politics, celebrity deaths, and Game of Thrones somehow having a turnabout of a season and pretty much redeeming itself, pop culture offered a welcome distraction. Some of it good- most of it bad, if we’re honest. So, without further ado, let’s see out this godforsaken year by drinking rum, petting cats, and discussing the best-and worst-pop culture had to offer in the last twelve months.

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Vikings Recaps, S4E15: All His Angels

Well, they did it.

I wrote at the start of this half of season four that the show really needed, in order to keep the momentum going, to kill off Ragnar Lothbrok. This entire season has been building to it- longer than that, actually, as his nihilistic outlook has been an increasingly important part of his character since the death of Athelstan. But this week, in All His Angels, Vikings finally bit the bullet and killed off their leading man.

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Major character deaths have been a theme for this season of television, but no show has done it with more style or substance than Vikings. This episode, written by Michael Hirst and directed by Ciaran Donnelly, is a real masterwork in both restraint and spectacle. The direction, on odd interplays between light and dark-such as having only Ragnar’s hands lit in one of the first shots of the episode- is award-worthy in it’s beauty, but this is fifty minutes of truly sumptuous writing more than anything else.

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Michael Hirst, who created the series and writes all the episodes, has an ironclad grip on the mythos and history of Vikings, an unusual feat in a time when most shows rely on a plethora of writers to come up with a full season’s story. You can peel back this tale as far as you like-right back to the first episode- and all signs point to Ragnar’s final moment in Aelle’s snakepit (thanks, by the way, to Vikings for ruining my snake-fearing boyfriend’s birthday, as we snuggled up to watch this episode and finished up with him practically smashing the screen to dust in Ragnar’s final moments as the camera lingered on the particularly enormous slitherers). Hirst has proven himself, in unfolding the story of Ragnar Lothbrok and particularly in this final episode, to be one of the most patient and detail-orientated storytellers working on TV today, and I, for one, am glad to have him.

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This is, as it should be, an episode dominated by Travis Fimmel- whose career I sincerely hope hasn’t died along with Ragnar. He’s exhausted but still defiant, admitting that he has long since stopped believing in the Gods, but still bellowing his excitement at entering Valhalla at the English people who turned up to watch his execution because it’d piss them off. He insists to a vision of the Seer that he has defied the Gods by choosing his own death; whether or not he has if left ambiguous, but till his last moments, Ragnar is idiosyncratically himself, the myth, the man, the legend- the arsehole. He peers up out of the snakepit to see Ecbert disguised as a monk, an stand-in for Athelstan (an Athelstand-in?), he smiles, and he dies. It’s a brilliant, brutal death, and a sad farewell to one of the most compelling characters in this golden age of television- if an overdue one.

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But as one story ends, another begins- Ivar speaks with his father before he is sent back to England, and Ragnar makes him promise to avenge his death on Ecbert. Ivar agrees, but when he returns, it seems like he’s got more dead parents to avenge than he knows what to do with. I’d been trying to figure out what the show was planning to do with Ubbe, Sigurd, and Ivar, and forcing them into this uneasy alliance to take down Lagertha and Ecbert seems like a way to get fraternal sparks flying.

Honestly, it’s hard to look forward after an episode like this. I’m impressed and glad that Ragnar has finally bitten the dust and opened the show up to whole new stories and characters, but I’m sad to see him go, and the little flashbacks in this episodes only served to remind us what an amazing story his has been. I’ll be raising a horn of ale to Ragnar- and Travis Fimmel- tonight. As well as trying to figure out who that one-eyed raven bloke floating towards Kattegat is meant to be…

Beyond Leia: A Tribute to Carrie Fisher

This year is already being written into the history books as one where we lost more greats than we can count; David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Victoria Wood, amongst many, many others who meant a great deal to a huge number of people. And, of course, there is a sadness that comes with the passing of anyone, especially people who came to hold this sacred place of respect and admiration and joy in the minds of so many of us. But when the news came through an hour or so ago that Carrie Fisher had passed away at sixty, for the first time this year, I felt it; I remembered that feeling, the one that comes when you lose someone who you’ve never met but has meant an almost absurd amount to you over the course of your life.

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Doctor Who Review: The Return of Doctor Mysterio

An episode of Doctor Who in which no-one mentioned Clara: truly, it’s a Christmas miracle.

Nah, but seriously though: happy holidays one and all, and I hope you spent Christmas in the traditional haze of drunken, overfull perma-lounging. And, of course, with Christmas comes the Doctor Who Christmas special.

Doctor Who Christmas 2016 The Return of Doctor Mysterio

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Vikings Recaps, S4, E14: In the Uncertain Hour Before The Morning

Well, that was…an episode.

It’s an impressive show that can relegate a major character death to the back burner of a mid-season episode, but Vikings did just that- even as Slaugy brought it at the hands of Lagertha in what was, for my money, Alyssa Sutherland’s best scene in her run on the show, Vikings returned instead to the major conflict that has always been the driving force behind the show: religion.

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Miscellaneous Christmas Cheer

So, it’s the holiday season once more! I hope that, whether or not you celebrate anything this time of year, you enjoy some time with your friends, family, or just your fine ol’ self. Or a cat. In fact, scratch the other things- if you can find a cat, spend the next two weeks with them over literally anyone else.

This time of year can be tough for people- for me, personally, it’s a rough month. I know that the general atmosphere of cheer and joy can translate into “everyone else is happy so why can’t YOU be you miserly cow?!”, and the pressure to be jolly and not shit on anyone else’s good time can be overwhelming. It’s also a busy, stressful time where you will generally end up spending a substantial amount of money compared to the rest of the year. Look, there’s a reason every stalks around January all miserable, is all I’m saying. And I find that one of the things that makes me happiest is doing nice things for other people- so I thought I’d share some of the ways I do that around the Christmas season in the hopes that you are as selfishly altruistic as I am and it cheers you up too!

Send a Prison Rape Survivor a Christmas Message– exactly what it sounds like, and free!

Give a Samaritans Promise Card– Another free one, and a lovely gesture for a friend who might be going through a hard time too.

Write for Rights – Pass on a message of hope to someone suffering a human rights injustice.

Donate Food to Food Banks– There will always be one closer to you than you think. I’ve found this better than forcing the last packet of Christmas Mini Cheddars down my face while weeping and gaining the last ounce of that Christmas forty pounds

Reserve a Christmas Dinner Space for a Homeless Person– courtesy of Crisis.

Random Acts of Christmas– Yes, Reddit is often a festering shithole, but this lovely subreddit offers cash-strapped families with children the opportunity to share their kid’s wishlists through Amazon, and you can buy gifts for them.

And of course, if you’re feeling down and need someone to talk to, please get in touch with any of the organisations below.

7 Cups of Tea

Samaritans

Breathing Space

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and will join me for another year of snarking, whining, and general reviewing in the New Year!

Movie Review: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Spoilers ahead!

So, before we get into this review, it’s worth noting that I am a Star Wars fan to an absolutely stupid degree. Everything Star-Wars related is going to be an automatic pass from me; I’ve seen Attack of the Clones four times, I’ve even read quite a bit of that dire X-Wing Academy series, for goodness sake. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away is my happy place, and has been since I was four years old. As evidenced by my Force Awakens review last year, I am anything but neutral on the topic of Star Wars, and so there’s no way in hell I could ever give Rogue One: A Star Wars Story a fair review.

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Vikings Recaps, S4E14: Two Journeys

Who is Ragnar Lothbrok?

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The Crown: A Pleb’s Review

As you’ve probably noticed by now, Netflix recently released a new show to add to it’s enormous roster; The Crown. The most expensive show the streaming service has backed to date, it promised to tell the story of British history from the nineteen-forties onward, all filtered through the eyes of the royal family and, particularly, Queen Elizabeth II. Trailers promised money-shitting lavishness, sweeping drama, quality acting, and more British history than you can shake a stick at. Even if they did cast an American as Winston Churchill. Whatever- the reviews came rolling in, and they were phenomenal, praising the cast, the direction, the writing, every little aspect they could get their grabby little pleb hands on.

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Vikings Recap, S4E12: The Vision

Are you HUNGRY for RECAPS?  No? Ah well, shame, because Vikings has finally made it’s semi-triumphant return, and I am HERE for the next eight episodes. Starting with this week, I’ll be reviewing each episode of the back half of season four- which has already set itself up into an extremely tantalising little run.

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The amount of gorgeous this picture contains is precisely as gorgeous as I always think I am, by the way.

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