The Cutprice Guignol

AW FUCK AW SHIT EVERYONE STAY COOL THE LAST JEDI TRAILER IS HERE NO-ONE PANIC ALRIGHT WE’VE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL OH SHIT I THINK I’M ABOUT TO DIE BY PUMPED

Ahem. Moving on.

0:11: YES DAISY RIDLEY! This review is mostly going to be me talking about how much I love The Force Awakens, so get on board now. I’m so excited for her backstory/front-story (is that the term for future-plot? Whatever, it is now) in The Last Jedi, and this trailer is heavy on her.

0:19: That Lucasfilm ident still gives me tingles. I don’t care how old or cynical I get, new Star Wars stories always thrill me.

0:32: I mean I knew this trailer – and this movie in general – were going to feature Mark Hamill heavily, but there’s nothing quite like that voice to get me dancing with excitement. I’m interested to see how/if his work as a voice actor has influenced his performance as Luke, considering he was but a baby the last time he played the iconic Skywalker.

0:36: This is a cool shot. I love the windswept setting on this trailer so far – makes a change from arid Tatooine or lusher planets like Kashyyk or Endor.

0:48: I like the excited little flute twiddle here. It amuses me. Also, is that back of someone very important’s head by any chance?

0:53: Alright, this was the first time in this trailer that I pulled a proper “oooooh!” face. Smashed Vader/Kylo Ren helmet is deliciously obvious symbolism but I’ll allow it.

1:04: Is that the rebellion’s insignia or I am going insane?

1:10: This, right here, got the exact same reaction out of me that the Millenium Falcon shot did in the first Force Awakens trailer. Proper glee.

1:15: WAAAH CHRISTMAS IS TOO LONG TO WAIT I WANT IT NOW

1:21: Speaking or arid desert planets. I like this shot; I love the designs on the new aircraft and machinery in Force Awakens in general, because it fits so nicely into the Star Wars decor as a whole.

1:22: ALRIGHT SO FINN AND POE DAMERON WERE SHOWN BACK-TO-BACK WHICH MEANS THEY’RE GETTING TOGETHER IN THIS FILM AND MY DREAM SHIP WILL FINALLY COME TO BE ALRIGHT

1:27: Obligatory Falcon appearance.

1:28: Obligatory lightsaber appearance.

1:31: Ah, Kylo Ren, you say? Thank you, I’ll take a dozen.

1:36: Space battles! X-wings! Tie fighters! THEY’VE GOT IT ALL!

1:40 Um, yes, Mark Hamill. The fact of my adolescent sexual awakening and very likely the fact of that weird sexual awakening I had in my early twenties when The Last Jedi came out.

2:00: Thunderous applause, incoherent whooping