A Wanker’s Literary Reaction: Wonder Woman Trailer

by thethreepennyguignol

Yes, this is my second post today. But I’m ill, and if I’d known the Wonder Woman trailer would drop today, boy oh boy, would I have conserved my blogging energy! Let’s take a look at the first take on everyone’s favourite Amazonian warrior.

0:06: A lush beach! A magnificently attired woman! An unconcious, unspeaking man! This is already the misandrist movie of my dreams.

0:08: Oh no, he’s awake! The patriarchy has awoken!!!! Alert the sisterhood!!!!

0:09: Alright, seriously now.

0:13: So, we’ve established Chris Pine is a man. I like that Zack Snyder is starting nice and slow on introducing the first female-fronted superhero movie to his audience with simple statements and easy language and, well, men. Wise move.

0:14: No, alright, I’m actually going to be serious now. Sorry, sorry.

0:30: “You have been my greatest love”. Look, I know that’s her mum or whatever, but I ship it.

0:45: Ayyyyy Danny Huston, back from playing the imaginary saxophone on American Horror Story! Glad to see you made it out of Ryan Murphy’s clutches unscathed.

0:50: That is such a Zack Snyder shot, even though I know he’s not directing this movie (Patty Jenkins is, hurrah!). It looks cool, so let’s no think for a second that someone might have noticed the bloody great sword just dangling out of her dress. The blade would be right up in her arse-crack, too, all sticky and damp and ugh.

0:54: Those prosthetics- INTO IT INTO IT

1:04: Um, I believe Zeus is a man’s name, which would…soooort of make him your father, no? Ah, well, not to split hairs. Gal Gadot, it’s fair to note here, looks fucking cool as hell, as is reminding me why she was by far and away the best thing about Dawn of Just End It Already.

1:14: Um, these action shots are pretty fucking sick. Pause it, right there, while she’s in the air- it’s better than Bruce Wayne with his knee in Superman’s throat while the man of steel grunts about Martha Stewart or something, whatever, I was long asleep by that point.

1:16: All-woman behorsed warrior tribe =  all the yes.

1:27: I know they’re showing off the lasso of truth and all, but was a shot up her mostly-naked thigh the best way to do it? Also, as they’re a race of warrior women and all apparently free from the sexualisation of the patriarchy and what have you, it IS funny that all their armour shows off a good amount of tit and leg. Funny coincidence, that, when you’d think the most effective armour would, like, actually cover most of your body. I don’t know, I haven’t watched the Justice League trailer yet- maybe Bruce is running about in Batkini and I’m making erroneous assumptions?

1:35: I’m very into the World War setting, and I love these shots of her going over the trenches. I’m a rampant history nerd, and I like the idea of entrenching a legend in real-life history.

1:37: I’m sure Zack Snyder, who was behind the story for this, will treat the atrocities of the war with the greatest deal of respect and nuance and- sorry, couldn’t keep a straight face. Moving on.

1:57: All those action scenes were neat, but does this bit give anyone else vibes of that Batman fight they showed in the BvS trailer? This concerns me.

2:03: Chris Pine is getting a lot of screentime in this trailer. I like him a lot and think he’s  great addition to the cast, but, you know, Lois Lane wouldn’t get almost a full minute of appearance in the Superman trailer, you know?

2:21: Holy shit, I’d forgotten how much I LOVED the Wonder Woman theme for this franchise. It makes me want to punch the air and twirl my phone charger around and pretend I’m her.

2:42: Keen for the post-title tag.

Overall, I give this a “drag everyone I know to see it because it’s a fucking female-fronted superhero movie and there is NO WAY I’M NOT SEEING THIS I’VE WAITED SO LONG, but as a nice bonus, the trailer looks pretty fucking sick too.” Out of ten.