The Cutprice Guignol

The Ninth Year: The Haunting of Swill House
June 17, 2017

Doctor Who: This? All Really Diversion from the Interesting Story

Right, one thing out of the way upfront: that two-second clip of John Simm’s Master at the end of the Next Week On was, without a doubt, the best part of the season to date, and if anyone was temporarily deafened by the high-pitched keening shriek emanating from my flat, I can only offer my condolences and earplugs. Slap some bread around him and call him a sandwich; hammy John Simm is back, and I can’t fucking wait. 

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*fumbles desperately with trousers*

 

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June 12, 2017

Doctor Who, Stunt Casting, and the Elusive Female Doctor

So, I write a lot about Doctor Who on this blog, and there’s a question that I haven’t addressed yet. One that, with the end of Peter Capaldi’s tenure as the show’s lead drawing to a close, has been asked more and more: why is the Doctor always a white dude?

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June 10, 2017

Doctor Who: Torpid Adventure Reveals Descent into Stagnation

I think it’s pretty telling about the season as a whole when an episode like Empress of Mars, this week’s outing, is one of the best of the series.

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June 8, 2017

Reviewing Every Movie I’ve Seen This Year

Well, it’s election day, which means we’re all way too antsy to sit down and read anything heavy because we need to get up and check the poll numbers one last time dammit so I’m fulfilling my national duty by providing some futile form of distraction to keep you busy until ten tonight when everything stops and starts. Basically, I’ve been to see a bunch of films this year that I never got around to reviewing, so here’s my hot take on shit you’ve lost interest in by now!

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June 4, 2017

Doctor Who: Turgid Adventure Really Designates Imploding Season

Whew, team. I thought last week was bad, but we’ve reached a new season low with this week’s episode of Doctor Who.

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This jacket is FUCKING GREAT though, in all fairness. 10/10 would smash

 

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June 3, 2017

Basically Straight

It’s bisexual pride day today! Let’s celebrate by addressing some fuckin’ biphobia.

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June 2, 2017

Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter Fourteen

Hey, dudes and duderinos! I’m back from Spain, miserably cold, with a coffee-drinking habit I didn’t have before and a LUST for BADLY WRITTEN ABUSE MASQUERADING AS ROMANCE. Luckily, EL James is here to sate my hunger with another chapter of Fifty Shades Freeeugh!

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June 1, 2017

Movie Review: Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman had a whole lot to prove.

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May 30, 2017

TV Characters I Would Fight

Right (drinks deeply from cheap pint) so (gestures wildly with lit fag) I have really strong opinions about TV characters, and basically, here is a list of characters I would strongly enjoy fighting provided that somehow we were relatively evenly matched and also they would let me win. To the list!

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May 28, 2017

Doctor Who: Thunderingly Awful – Reviewer Dissects Intolerable Showrunner

Alright, let’s get into this. This review is going to be savage and long, so get yourself a cup of tea and a biscuit and we’ll get into it.

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