The Cutprice Guignol

March 13, 2019

The Marketing Department: Aladdin Trailer

Another Disney remake!!!!!! My Favourite!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to be real with you here: nobody at Chez No But Listen happens to be a die-hard classic Disney fan. Star Wars? We got you covered. The movies of Rob Zombies? We’re all in. Batman? Too much, some might say. But honestly, the first teaser for Disney’s live-action Aladdin remake had the internet scratching its head for days, and we can’t miss out on a potential carcrash of the childhood-ruining variety. So here we are, ~~blue~~ fresh-faced and ready to take on the first full-length Aladdin trailer! Let’s get to it.

0:10: The less said about the Will Smith intro, the better, I feel.

0:21: Alright, I get it, every single action scene ever made has to be shot like John Wick, but this is a live-action Disney remake, can we just leave off for one singular moment?

0:31: I don’t know how many times I’ve…

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March 11, 2019

The Best Found Footage Movie You’ve Never Seen

…stars Michael Parkinson.

No But Listen

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March 9, 2019

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Chapter Sixteen

I’m not going to lie to you, good fam: I’ve been putting this chapter off because I KNOW it’s going to be a doozy, and maybe because my book? Is coming out? In ten days? And I’m so excited I can’t think? But hey, I’ve got a couple of hours free, a freshly-brewed pot of tea, and some just-baked vegan cookies. Now is as good a time as any to dive into the second-last chapter of the Philosopher’s Stone, and prepare to bid farewell to Harry and company for good. Well, you know, until the next time I walk past that giant Harry Potter megastore in the centre of my city. These books are fucking everywhere is what I’m saying.

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March 8, 2019

Movie Review: The Hole in the Ground

Lee Cronin’s extraordinary horror debut explores the aftershocks of trauma against a stark Irish backdrop.

No But Listen

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March 7, 2019

Riverdale S3E14: Fire Walk With Me

It feels strange to be writing this Riverdale recap this week. I know a lot of you are here for the snark on TV’s biggest trainwreck, but there’s a heavy weight on the back of the show right now, and that’s because, on Monday, Luke Perry passed away.

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March 5, 2019

Game of Thrones Trailer: An Idiot’s Reaction

You know, the final season of Game of Thrones is coming out next month and I feel like it’s the end of an era: not a good one, of course, because I despise Game of Thrones and always have. Yes, it’s a well-made show and I admire the artistic blah blah fan appeasement blah, but it’s just not for me. Never has been, never will be. And yet, this is the most virulent pandemic of a pop culture disease that has existed in my lifetime – bigger than Breaking Bad, bigger than Doctor Who, Game of Thrones has been following my unwilling ass around like Jamie Dornan getting into character for his latest role. I’ve watched almost all of the show, just trying to get to that point where it clicks and I go “ah, yes, this is what I’ve been missing!”. It still hasn’t happened.

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March 4, 2019

Steven Spielberg, Netflix, and the “Real” Movie

Some thoughts on those bullshit new Oscars rule proposals

No But Listen

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March 3, 2019

Everything You Need To Know About Rape Jokes

HEY! Did you know that my debut novel, Rape Jokes, is coming out in just a couple of weeks, via the amazing Frayed Edge Pres? I’m so screechingly excited about this that I feel like I need a little lie down just to handle it, but before I put the wet towel over my eyes, I figured I’d share everything you need to know about my book with my dearest blog readers.

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February 28, 2019

Riverdale S3E13: Requiem for a Welterweight

You know when you’re deep in a dream, and everything seems to make sense? Like, you’re watching something on TV, and then you’re in the show, and then you’re dating one of the actors, and then you’re back watching that story unfold? How the logic bends and folds and falls in a way that just doesn’t make sense, and then you wake up, try to explain it, and can’t?

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February 27, 2019

Not Sick Enough

Honestly, I’m going to get back to the fun stuff soon, I am. It’s just that Riverdale has been off air for three weeks and maybe it’s the only thing giving my life meaning, you know? Well, time for one more introspective bungee-jump before it’s back tomorrow.

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