The Cutprice Guignol

So, I have done a little roasting of the Sims 2 (and Katy Perry in the Sims 3) on this blog in the past – you know, really getting into the fashions of that era and ripping them to pieces for my own amusement. But I have to be honest – I’m just deflecting here.

Because the truth is, I was a teenager when this game came out – and there is a lot of Sims 2 fashion and styling that I truly loved at the time. I need to call myself out, unload my guilt, and admit the truth to you, once and for all. Let’s take a walk down memory lain as I roast my taste in teenage fashion (not that it’s any better now, but you know, time makes fools of us all).

A quick side note – I found all these images on the Sims2DefaultDatabse site, which was incredibly useful for the purposes of this little post. I would recommend having a poke around it if you’re nostalgic for the game too – I had a lot of fun going through the old defaults. Anyway, let’s get into it!

You could not tell me anything about this hairstyle. It’s this weird mix of “punk” but also “took a really long time to carefully divide up and gel your hair into elaborate, matching spikes with three weird sideswept hairs at the forehead” – sort of Buffy villain meets profoundly self-conscious theatre kid. Still, to this day, the vibe I’m going for.

No, no, but you need to hear me: I’m sneaking this in here not to roast it, but because I actually still think it’s sick as fuck. It’s such turn-of-the-century goth – I had a pair of boots not entirely dissimilair to this when I was a teenager, and it took a full team of people to get me in and out of the buckles, but God, was it worth it.

Let me tell you: a man dressed in this exact outfit could have ruined my life in 2008 and I would have thanked him for it. Oh, the cut-off sleeves? The baggy combats that would drag in dirty puddle water all day and stain a horrible shade of dark brown? The ugly, utilitarian watch? I would have been helpless in the face of this.

If you know me, you know that I am a scene kid at heart, and this hairstyle? Oh, I tried to rock it for years in high school with my streakily-henna’d greasy mop. Did I have to learn to function only looking out of one eye? Yes! I hold this hairstyle personally responsible for my lack of depth perception.

In the grand tradition of The Sims 2 having a weirdly-important part in my journey to coming out, I was obsessed with this outfit because it was the closest thing I could find to a “masc” look for my female Sims who would marry other women. I truly thought nothing of it at the time, but looking back, it is actually extremely funny.

I simply cannot, in good faith, get through an article about my teenage style without talking about The Hat. I wore a trilby (and yes, I know this is a Fedora, it’s just the one that looked most like it, alright?) pretty more non-stop for a year and a half. I thought I was giving impish androgyne; I was actually giving Suspicious Man at a Boot Sale.

This dress was selling you a fantasy, and it was one I brought into completely and utterly every single time. Draped in pink leopard print, with that useless hip-hugging belt, and oh, the cut-outs over the stomach – to me, this was the height of sultry, sexy datenight wear. If I ever end up getting a Nobel Prize (40% likelihood), I’m wearing this to accept my award, and I’m holding my arms like this the whole time.

I would love to hear about some of the Sims 2 fashion that had you ready to party – let me know in the comments below! If you fancy some more silliness, check out my Watching Glee Until It Gets Bad series, or my other Sims articles!