The Sims 2 Furniture I Want For My Own Ugly House
I grew up playing The Sims 2, and, as I draw into my twilight, post-understanding-TikTok years, I’ve been very nostalgic about it recently. And, you know, I was musing on how much I loved the game in my lovely little flat that I own – it’s the first place I haven’t rented (my parents pushed a hard bargain for my childhood bedroom from five years old onward), and so I can decorate it exactly how I like. Those particular interior design choices have been described, in terms of decor, as anything from “certainly decorated” to “I’m catching the next bus out of here you maniac”. And I found myself pondering on how The Sims 2 and it’s iconique fashion and decor has influenced my own immaculate taste; I’ve already investigated The Sims 2 H&M stuff, but I’d like to take a deep (shallow) dive into the Sims 2 decor I would genuinely love to have in my house today.
(oh and small note: I know some younger people come across my Sims stuff, but these articles are very much aimed at an adult audience, so please keep that in mind!)
- The Red Lips Couch
Now, I get it – when you think of horny Sims decor furniture, you’re thinking about
Bonehilda the vibrating loveheart bed, right? But I feel like this specific swatch of the lip-print couch is being horrendously overlooked in that department. It’s a spectacularly horrible mix of retrofuturism and cheap Revlon lipgloss brought together into this shimmering vision of a slightly pouty set of lips for you and your lover to canoodle on. If I had this in my house, everyone would know I fuck. You feel me? It’s a genuine eyesore and I wish I could sleep on it every night.
2. This One Bella Goth Portrait
Look, it’s Pride month, I’m out of the closet, I can tell you this: this picture of Bella Goth had me in a chokehold as a tiny closeted twelve year old. The Goth family are the reason I will never get over me emo phase, and my genuine obsession with what happened to Bella Goth had me hunting through object descriptions and character bios in a desperate attempt to find the truth, dammit. This picture raises that feral little pre-teen in me and makes me want to solve crimes and hold hands with pretty ladies; I would hang it above my work desk and gaze at it all day long. My raison d’être.
3. The Bookcase Door
I want to gnaw my own arm off when I remember I don’t actually have this is my house. I love this game because, at some point, it gave up on being a life simulator and became a “what if I were a side character in the Midnight for Charlie Bone series” generator, and I am just fine with that. I would replace every single doorway in my house with this if I could, and then I would go to every one of my neighbours and make them do it, too. It’s a bookcase – okay, stick with me here – but it’s a door! It’s so stupid and garish and pointless and those are truly the words I love my life by.
An interesting fact that you may not know about me is that I moonlight as a forgettable one-episode villain in Buffy the Vampire Slayer – but I have yet to find the bedroom to match. This, though? This might do it. This collection came with the Teen Style Stuff pack which I hoovered up as soon as it was a released, being a teen so keenly in need of style myself, and honestly, this s the height of fashion. The Tim Burton-y squint checkerboard carpet? The high-backed desk chair that you just know provides no lumbar support? The fire hazard single candle dripping down a dingy holder? This isn’t teen style, this is “I’m in my late twenties and My Chemical Romance are touring again” style. I deserve this. I need this, maybe.
5. This Bowling Lane
Okay, look, I’ll say it: I’m a good person. I’m nice to my cats. I work hard. I eat fruit at least twice a month. I deserve a bowling lane in my house. Where would it go in my tiny flat? That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking you to look me in the eye and tell me that I am not damn near entitled to have a bowling lane in my personal home. And I know you can’t say no.
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