Who Killed Jason Blossom?: A Riverdale Masterpost

by thethreepennyguignol

You know, I have a serious problem with Riverdale. No, not with the quality of the show, which has swiftly proved itself with one of the most wildly entertaining first seasons in recent memory, but with the show itself. As the season careers towards it’s climax, most of my spare time has been spent speculating on the identity (and motive) of Jason Blossom’s killer, the mystery around which the last dozen or so episodes have been based. I have Riverdale goddamn Fever, and I figured that there was time to squeeze in one more post about the show before it finishes: namely, a masterpost running down my wildest theories and speculations on each and every character on this show and how they relate to the central mystery. Without further ado!

Lou’s Wild Fan Theory Corner: Riverdale Masterpost Edition

rvd102c_0531b1

Duuuhhh, stay out of Riverdale!

Archie Andrews: Look, I have to admit I really turned a corner on this character as soon as the show started playing him as a chronically idiotic dolt with some abs stapled on, so I would be surprised if they had him pulling off the murder because he’s just so damn stupid (“why do you have to finalise things? It’s just so….final”). However, the show has endlessly drawn comparisons between Archie and the deceased Blossom. so it wouldn’t surprise me if whoever killed Jason meant the bullet for Archie. Or if Archie turned out to be a blood-relative of the Blossoms, even if I now can’t unsee Penelope and Fred gettin’ it on in a pool of maple syrup.

Murderous Potential: 3/10. He’s just too stupid, but then, could that be a red (ginger) herring?

rvd102c_0090b-615x411

This face of wry amusement is one of Veronica’s two expressions, and yet somehow she comes across as a fully-formed character. Go figure.

Veronica Lodge: Honestly, I don’t think Veronica has much to do with the murder. She arrived after it happened, and her whole plot has revolved around her being betrayed and surprised by the awfulness of the people around her. She’s certainly got a mean-girl past, but I’d be legit shocked – and a little pissed – if they went down this path.

Murderous Potential: 4/10. I mean, maybe Jason died from sheer embarrassment at that awful dance-off sequence like I did.

rvd102a_0147b

Anyone else kind of in love with Lili Reinhart?

Betty Cooper: Now, here’s where things get interesting. Riverdale’s most tenaciously terrifying teenager has proved that she’s got a dark side, a dark side that she doesn’t appear to have complete control over, and, in theory, has a motive as Jason was planning to steal her sister from her and her family. I’m not sure the show would dare having one of it’s main characters committing a violent murder in the first season, but man, what a reveal that would be!

Murderous Potential: 6/10. I doubt it, but considering Dark Betty already boiled a man…

facebook

Look at this colour scheme uuunnnnfffff

Jughead Jones: Here’s where I start to reveal the too-much-girl overthinking I’ve been doing about this show. We still don’t know where Jughead was the day of the murder, as he refused to give an alibi to the sheriff and Fred Andrews stepped in to help him out. I doubt he was actually involved with the killing itself, but his whereabouts are important – I think he was involved with delivering the drugs to Jason, and that’s why he immediately touched them when he and Betty found the abandoned car that ended up burned. I also kind of still stand by my “Jughead killed Jason to have something to write about” theory from the start of the season.

Murderous Potential: 5/10, because it would be just too obvious for the loner to murder the jock. But he is hiding something.

mv5bmwy5nmfimwqtyzi3mc00ytq5lthjzmqtyjazmgq5ntq3zdg0xkeyxkfqcgdeqxvyntu4njy5mzm-_v1_

Like mother, like wryly knowing daughter

Hermione Lodge: Like Veronica, she was elsewhere when the murder took place – though she probably knows more than she’s letting on, I doubt she had an actual hand in it. Also, that woman’s poker-face is nonexistent, so she’d probably have outed herself by now if she did. I would love to see her “that’s right, I did it!” scene play out in that beautiful apartment with her omnipresent glass of wine, however, so I guess a little part of me is pulling for this.

Murderous Potential: 2/10. I just can’t imagine the knots the show would have to twist itself into to make this work.

Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show

I’m bored just looking at this picture

Fred Andrews: The most boring man in Riverdale seems a highly unlikely candidate for the murder, but there has to be something more than brow-furrowed thoughtfulness to him, right? Surely? I don’t know. Probably not. I have seen some fun theories about Fred’s one-time wife Mary having actually been Jason’s real mother, though, and I’m into that and it could give him a motive, so I’m not putting it all the way off the table.

Murderous Potential: 3/10. Maybe he was trying to kill Archie to rid their family of the scourge of boring that has haunted them for generations?

d0994851f6f7209a6dcad833bda74594

Death by a thousand pastel sweaters

Alice Cooper: Madchen Amick’s performance as the Cooper matriarch is one of the best things on TV, don’t @ me on this. I had her way higher on my list earlier in the season, but the show has really picked her apart at the seams, and I doubt she was the one to pull the trigger on him. That said, the woman is the queen of having things to hide, and there’s certainly more to her and her husband’s seemingly-crystalline past that meets the eye. I’m of the opinion that she might have mothered Jason Blossom – or at least have a deeper connection to him than the show initially laid out- consolidating her husband’s violent hatred for the Blossom family and leading to her passion for solving the case.

Murderous Potential: 10/10, but not as far as Jason is concerned. Still, would not want to run into that woman in a dark alley.

rvd103b_0088b

Her hair is always just phenomenal, I think we can all agree.

Cheryl Blossom: The show has been dangling this as a possibility from the start, what with Cheryl’s creepily obsessive love for her brother and the fact she saw him last. Again, like Betty, she could have seen her brother being dragged away from her and murdered him in retaliation for that, but it seems unlikely. Now that she has the ring Jason proposed to Polly with that her parents somehow got ahold off, I think she’ll be a major part of the reveal of the actual killer and the ring will be an important plot device in that revelation, but I doubt she actually murdered him.

Murderous Potential: 5/10. It wouldn’t be out of the realms of possibility with the twincest themes the show has been pushing, but it seems unlikely, unless she used his body to make the collection of sick-ass brooches she’s always rocking.

mv5bnja3ogziyjitmddjyy00otfjltg1zmutnzi2nwmyodi1ymixl2ltywdlxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvymti0nzk3nja-_v1_sy1000_cr0012401000_al_

Clifford Blossom: This is 100% who my money’s on. I reckon Jason got caught up in the middle of the bitter unpleasantness between Clifford and Hiram Lodge, perhaps being used as leverage against the Blossoms, and, because Jason had betrayed the family by leaving to be with Polly, Clifford either finished him off himself or let him die to cut off the Lodge’s leverage and get rid of his wayward son (sorry, that song’s going to be in your head for the rest of the day now). His hair even turned white just like Leland Palmer’s did in Twin Peaks after he killed his kid, for goodness sake! IT’S A SIGN!

Murderous Potential: 8/10.

17834060

Penelope Blossom: Again, she is crazy, but she seemed genuinely distraught about the death of her son and the apparent capture of his killer at the end of last week’s episode. She’s certainly dangerous and not afraid to drug heavily pregnant teenage girls to stop them going to prom for no discernible reason, but the chances of her getting her hands dirty like that seem slim.

Murderous Potential: 6/10. I’m not ruling any of the Blossoms out here, but, like with Cheryl, I’m having a hard time coming up with a motive.

c-qgqmkxyaa2qwd

I wish this picture could be bigger.

FP Jones: Man, is it just me, or is it getting Skeet in here? Sorry, ignore my swooning over Riverdale’s premier DILF, and let’s get down to the facts: FP is way too obvious a choice to have actually committed the murders without any outside influence. He patently has a hand in the drug-related stuff Jason was wrapped up in and kept hold of his Letterman jacket for leverage – but over who? I’m certain FP either knows who did it, or knows who did it because they paid him and the Serpents off to take care of Jason. He also didn’t look super-concerned when the cops found the gun planted in his trailer, which suggests that he has a contingency plan for being framed – and I strongly suspect Daddy Blossom or Hiram Lodge, who has worked with the Serpents before, are probably involved with the framing and that’s who FP will proceed to savagely bring down in the next couple episodes.

Murderous Potential: I mean, he can kill me with one look, but probably 4/10 in the grand scheme of things.

riverdale-credit-the-cw-989204

Hal Cooper: Look, things are going to go one of two ways with the murder – either it’s wrapped up in the nasty current business dealings between the Lodges and the Blossoms, or the nasty historic business dealings between the Coopers and the Blossoms. Hal has shown himself to be pretty cold-hearted in the face of anything involving the Blossoms, including his daughter’s own pregnancy, and considering the sheer level of brutality inflicted on Jason’s body before his murder, you’d need someone with a serious grudge against the family. Enter Hal: I certainly think he’s got the callousness to torture Jason, and there’s not much more convincing a motive than pure, blinding hatred. If it wasn’t my above-articulated Clifford theory, I’m all in on Hal stalking Jason through the woods and brutally torturing and murdering him as revenge from him “stealing” his daughter from her.

Murderous Potential: 8/10. I don’t care what a cackling Madchen Amick says, he’s totally got it in him.

tiera-skovbye-riverdale-thecw

Polly Cooper: Alright, and here we are on to our last major suspect. A slight level of unhinged runs in the Cooper ladies so it wouldn’t surprise me if Polly has a streak of it too, but I don’t think she killed Jason – in fact, I think she’ll be the one to commit the murder that kicks of the next season. Or, she broke into the Blossom household in order to pick them off one by one. What I’m saying is that Polly might be innocent now, but she won’t stay that way for long. Or, she’ll birth the zombie twins that kickstart that wild fan theory about next season. Fingers crossed, all the way.

If you enjoy this wild speculation and want to see more stuff like it, please consider supporting me on Patreon!

Advertisements