Why You Shouldn’t Buy The New Fifty Shades of Grey Book

by thethreepennyguignol

So, I’m in Berlin with a sprained ankle, the family, and a lot of red wine inside me, and I wasn’t planning on any blogging this week. Then this happened:

And I let out a long sigh and knew I had to write something about it. The book, which surely should have been titled One Shade of Grey, is nothing more than proof that James has no new ideas and is stuck hanging on to the one piece of plagiarism she did years ago to make money (lest we forget, Fifty Shades is plagiarized from Twilight, and this is plagiarized from the idea for never-published Midnight Sun, which was told from Edward’s point of view). So let’s talk about why you shouldn’t buy it.

The most important point is that, as a consumer, this book is going to be a pile of shite. We’ve already had chapters told in Christian’s POV in the novels, and all they’ve shown is that he’s an angry, cynical guy who seems to hate everyone. Which is fine in a Chuck Palanhuik novel, because Chuck isn’t trying to convince you that Tyler Durden is a sexy, romantic, loving hero any woman would be happy to share their life with. Sure, Ana is that too, but Christian doesn’t spend forty percent of the novel bemoaning his hair or being abused, so it’s hard to find something to not hate about him. The writing is dire as it is, and that’s when it’s taking cues from the base-level average Twilight series. It’s going to be shitty, because there’s no way you can make Christian and his actions likeable or acceptable. How will they make the bit where he gives his wife lovebites as a non-consensual punishment for sunbathing topless sound cute? Without Ana’s rationalisations, how will they turn the scene where he ignores her “no” and threatens to gag her after she thinks he has turned him down sexy? It’s going to be a catastrophe.

Secondly, it offers another chance for EL James to offer her damaging abuse apologia, with the story told from the point of view of “He Was Abused As A Kid So He Couldn’t Help It” Christian Grey. In the series that stands now, we have Ana desperately rationalising his abusive actions-which include stalking, sexual coercion, intimidation, manipulation, invasion of privacy, and atrocious BDSM conduct that lands him in the abuser category. Now, we will have a book where an abuser justifies his actions as romantic, while the author cheers him on in the background, as she has down with the rest of her bullshit magnum opus. If you wanted more mainstream validation for abuse, here it is. The only thing I hope for is that EL James misjudges this so badly that she winds up revealing Christian Grey the truly repulsive pig he is, the abuser so many fans were happy to ignore. Also, that every copy of it catches fire.