The Cutprice Guignol

The Ninth Year: The Haunting of Swill House

Riverdale S3E6: Manhunter

There’s a scene in this week’s episode of Riverdale, a scene that’s so purely horror that it hurts: Betty confronts Alice in the family home, in the midst of an enormous storm. The lights cut out – for a moment, we can make out a shadowy figure moving past the windows lit by the watery blue light of the moon (it wasn’t Chic, but it was Chic, you know?). As Alice goes to check the circuit breakers, the Gargoyle King himself turns up in their front room. Fleeing to Betty’s bedroom, the pair stumble across an even more sinister tableau: a grave marker, with their names written in red, lying above a human skull. They scream, the camera twists in, and I’m over here cheering with delight.

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The Marketing Department: Artemis Fowl Trailer

I’m honestly choked up with excitement

thethreepennyguignol's avatarNo But Listen

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Doctor Who: Tremendous Alan Reigns; Direction Invokes Sentimentality

Another historical episode, another one out of the park for these season of Doctor Who.

The Witchfinders has proved that this season is firmly on a roll – following the Doctor and company as they’re dropped into the middle of a Lancashire village deep in the midst of a murderous with hunt, things take a turn for the science-fictional as King James turns up to figure out exactly why these witch hunts have taken on such a fervent turn.

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Unheard, Unimportant, and Untreated: Why We Need to Talk About Vaginismus

Okay, let me set the scene. It’s the middle of the day, busy street, bright sunshine, cold air. There’s me: I’m in ripped jeans and a green shirt. I’m gripping hold of the railing surrounding a communal public garden and I am crying so hard I can’t see. Fifteen minutes ago, I got my first smear test, the nurse putting a thin swab inside my vagina to check on my pelvic health, and it hurt so much she had to put her elbows on my knees to keep my legs from snapping together on instinct. I wish this is the first time that something like this has happened, but it isn’t. And that’s why I’m crying.

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ALPHA FEMALE Final Release!

Well, here it is: the final part of Alpha Female (on Hump Day no less, because I’m honestly one of the funniest people on the planet?). I’m really excited to share the end of the story with you, and a big shout out to the few hundred people who’ve been keeping up with the series this far. All your reviews, downloads, and messages of support were so welcomed, and you’ve made this project totally worthwhile for me, so thank you for that!

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Doctor Who: Taut Adventure Reverses Decline In Scifi

So, after a really solid historical jaunt last week, we’re zooming off into science-fiction once more, with this week’s outing, the satisfyingly-named Kerblam!

And now, it’s worth saying that I’ve not been the hugest fan of the sci-fi so far this season: The Ghost Monument was oddly-placed and overstuffed, while The Tsuranga Conundrum was seriously rough around the edges (despite both episodes looking truly gorgeous). As I said last week, this season of Doctor Who feels the most forward when it’s looking backwards, and they’ve yet to prove themselves with an excellent space-age outing.

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Movie Review: Wildlife

Finally, a film I loved

thethreepennyguignol's avatarNo But Listen

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Riverdale S3E5: The Great Escape

I mean, ever since the first episode of this season, where Archie ended up in jail, I knew that we were destined/doomed to this plot: a prison break. But this week’s episode, The Great Escape, dives into the inevitable with hysterical commitment – and somehow, success.

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American Horror Story S8E10: Apocalypse Then

Thanks, I hate it.

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The Marketing Department: Detective Pikachu Trailer

politely, what the fuck

thethreepennyguignol's avatarNo But Listen

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