I know the title of this post looks dramatic and clickbait-y, but I really just wanted to give anyone who’s been following my Vikings recaps an update on why I won’t be covering the show any longer.
Well, we’re back, team: the back half of the fifth season of Vikings has finally Moe Begunford (I’m sorry, I’ll stop, please forgive me). Some quick updates for anyone who only tunes in for these recaps: my debut novel, RAPE JOKES, is coming out in a few months time, and I’ve also released a series of short femdom erotica stories that you can find starting here (eighteen-plus, of course). On to the recap!
Vikings – and I mean this in the most passionate, serious way I possibly can – can fuck off. I can’t believe that a show that I was so optimistic about until a mere five episodes ago is now one of the biggest nightmares of my week. Let’s get this over and done with as quickly as possible so I can move on to less painful things like getting blood-eagled.
So, we’re back again for another episode of Vikings and, once more, I put off sitting down to watch this week’s episode way, way longer than I had to. It’s not that I actively hate the show now or anything, but I sort of nothing it. It features no sincerely compelling character arcs, no plots I can’t wait to see the conclusion to, nothing that really excites me any more. But I made a commitment, dammit, and I’ll see it through even if that means having to sit through Alexander Ludwig’s overly enthusiastic rap hands in the process.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Floki murmurs to Lagertha in this episode of Vikings, and Gustaf Skarsgard plays the line with something between excitement and terror. And I personally can’t think of a better summation of this week’s outing, The Prisoner, and this season as a whole so far.
Ugh. Honestly, I want to come in here all guns blazing and ready to write a killer review for this week’s episode, The Plan, but right now my head is mince from The Last Jedi and honestly I’m having a hard time thinking about anything other than that despite the fact I already vomited up three thousand words on it today.
So sorry if this comes across as a little disjointed. But then, that could just be the fault of the episode – The Plan, for all it promisingly set up, was a spectacular mess of the highest order. Good thing they’ve got some great direction and performances to keep it clinging together, but it’s threatening to bust at the seams under the weight of it’s own story any minute now.