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The Ninth Year: The Haunting of Swill House

Category: Vikings recaps

Why I’m Not Covering Vikings Anymore

I know the title of this post looks dramatic and clickbait-y, but I really just wanted to give anyone who’s been following my Vikings recaps an update on why I won’t be covering the show any longer.

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Vikings S5E12: Murder Most Foul

I really do remember when I used to love this show.

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Vikings S5E11: The Revelation

Well, we’re back, team: the back half of the fifth season of Vikings has finally Moe Begunford (I’m sorry, I’ll stop, please forgive me). Some quick updates for anyone who only tunes in for these recaps: my debut novel, RAPE JOKES, is coming out in a few months time, and I’ve also released a series of short femdom erotica stories that you can find starting here (eighteen-plus, of course). On to the recap!

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Vikings S5E10: Moments of Vision

That mirror
         Can test each mortal when unaware;
             Yea, that strange mirror
May catch his last thoughts, whole life foul or fair,
             Reflecting it—where? 

– Moments of Vision, Thomas Hardy

Oh, fucking hell.

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Vikings Recaps S5E9: A Simple Story

Vikings – and I mean this in the most passionate, serious way I possibly can – can fuck off. I can’t believe that a show that I was so optimistic about until a mere five episodes ago is now one of the biggest nightmares of my week. Let’s get this over and done with as quickly as possible so I can move on to less painful things like getting blood-eagled.

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Vikings S5E8: The Joke

So, we’re back again for another episode of Vikings and, once more, I put off sitting down to watch this week’s episode way, way longer than I had to. It’s not that I actively hate the show now or anything, but I sort of nothing it. It features no sincerely compelling character arcs, no plots I can’t wait to see the conclusion to, nothing that really excites me any more. But I made a commitment, dammit, and I’ll see it through even if that means having to sit through Alexander Ludwig’s overly enthusiastic rap hands in the process.

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Vikings Recaps S5E7: Full Moon

Ugh. I’m going to be honest with you: I don’t want to write this recap. After last week’s rapetacular mess, I was feeling pretty cool towards Vikings in general – and this week’s outing, Full Moon, didn’t exactly do much to welcome me back into the fold.

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Vikings Recaps S5E6: The Message

After a great episode like last week’s, there’s always going to be a drop-off of sorts. And Vikings couldn’t avoid it, with a patchy, often bizarre episode, that felt as much like a fumble as it did a home run.

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Vikings S5E5: The Prisoner

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Floki murmurs to Lagertha in this episode of Vikings, and Gustaf Skarsgard plays the line with something between excitement and terror. And I personally can’t think of a better summation of this week’s outing, The Prisoner, and this season as a whole so far.

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Vikings Recaps S5E4: The Plan

Ugh. Honestly, I want to come in here all guns blazing and ready to write a killer review for this week’s episode, The Plan, but right now my head is mince from The Last Jedi and honestly I’m having a hard time thinking about anything other than that despite the fact I already vomited up three thousand words on it today.

So sorry if this comes across as a little disjointed. But then, that could just be the fault of the episode – The Plan, for all it promisingly set up, was a spectacular mess of the highest order. Good thing they’ve got some great direction and performances to keep it clinging together, but it’s threatening to bust at the seams under the weight of it’s own story any minute now.

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