The Cutprice Guignol

I’ve written so fucking much on this subject already that reiterating my feelings towards this zombie-Western (I’m right about this, dammit) seems pointless. But! Much as I have my issues with the later series- and my God, do I have issues- this is still a show around three flawless series, which is more than can be said for most.

Following a group of survivors lead by Sheriff Rick Grimes in a post-apocolyptic zombie wasteland, it allowed us a long, drawn-out, and interesting look at the long-term struggles facing those people who have had society ripped out from under them. Zombie movies mostly deal with one arc, one story, one great battle, one person, but Walking Dead offers us a look into a bunch of different elements, from marriage to love to birth to trying to rebuild some semblance of society. With the sexy, sexy Norman Reedus.

Purr.

It’s also got an eye for some of the best action sequences imaginable- the one below has minor spoilers, but nothing too serious if you’re like me and think that spoilers aren’t the equivalent of someone telling you the date of your death. They don’t just focus on skirmishes with the undead, but the fear, the tension, and the paranoia that the zombie outbreak caused.

Sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s audacious reliance on character development over gore or cool zombie shit was precisely the right way to go. This is a show that remembered above all else that you need good characters-regardless of what else is going on- to make a show even halfway worth watching. And they had those in swathes. Except Lori. Never Lori. Everyone hates Lori.

Lori was SHIT.

Watch If: You want some cerebral zombie cleverness with plenty of twists.

Stick Around Till: An incredible scene that opens season two involving a zombie horde. Jaw-droppingly good.

It’s been a very, very long time since I found a show I warmed to as quickly as Happy Endings. It’s got a bad rap for reasons I totally understand-I imagine most people tuned in expecting a reasonably generic sitcom with your run-of-the-mill romantic intrigue and quotable jokes. Happy Endings, though, is a six-person joke machine that has little to no interest in what you make of it. And it’s fucking brilliant.
Now, I’m not claiming other shows haven’t done this- the full-on dedication to jokes over character development and long plot arcs- but Happy Endings is the only one that made my cat come and check if I was okay because I was laughing so hard.

Aside from the laughs (and there are more than I could count on one hand- notice the two clips here because I couldn’t choose which was better), there’s also an interesting take on sexuality which crops up a few times in the series. One of the main characters, Max, is gay, but is pretty much the only non-stereotypical gay character I’ve seen on TV in, well, ever (at least as far as sitcoms go). A scrounger, a slob, and an utter prick at times, the laughs around him are generated from things that don’t revolve around him liking the dick. Similarly, in a later episode, it’s revealed that Jane, who is now married to a man, used to date and was once in love with a woman. The revelation isn’t treated with the nudge-wink pant I’ve seen in many other shows, but instead takes a very funny, pretty nuanced look at female sexuality.

Frankly, I know I’m reading far too much into this, and all I want you guys to know is that this show is one of the funniest I have ever seen. As very funny, very quick, and very clever shows go, you’re not going to beat Happy Endings. So don’t even try.

Watch If: You’re done with overused sitcom plots.

Stick Around Till: You see The Usual Suspects parody to end all Usual Suspects parodies.

If we’re discussing shows that permanently changed my outlook on television, then here’s the primest of prime examples. I was gently nagged into watching this with my dad, and it opened my eyes to a world of televsion drama that I’d previously assumed had been confined to movies and books (and BioShock, but I digress).

Let’s get this straight: don’t expect any Gladiator-style battles to the death or sweeping epic love stories in Claudius. This was a BBC show with next to no budget that chose to explore the politics and intrigue of five generations of Roman emperors. That probably sounds inestimably dull, but it’s one of the most gripping, satisfying things you’ll ever see.

And you’ll start to forget that you can see the sets wobbling and the crowd scenes are made up of five bemused-looking extras when you get your teeth into the story. It’s hard to reveal one thing about it without having to crap all over the brilliant reveals and astronomical intrigue, but if I can’t tempt you with the story, I can tempt you with the characters.
Derek Jacobi plays the titular Claudius, who narrates the whole tale from back to front- from the rule of Augustus (played by a subdued and sinister Brian Blessed in his pre-subsonic days), through Caligula (an effete and utterly mad John Hurt) to Nero (Christopher Biggins. Nuff said). Every episode is fleshed out with richly drawn characters you can’t wait to learn more about-Sian Phillips, in particular, as the scheming, sarcastic Livia, is the right mixture of pantomime villain and manipulative sociopath, and keep an eye out for a pre-hair loss Patrick Stewart as macho Sejanus.

The true victory in I, Claudius is making a time that most viewers will have a hazy notion of at best into an intellectual soap opera, full of murder, sex, lust, passion, lies, and steamy Roman politics.

Watch If: You want to get totally lost in a completely new world.

Stick Around Till: You meet John Hurt’s Caligula, who is one of the finest characters Hurt has played in his illustrious career.

Ah, The X-Files. In some ways I’m disappointed I don’t like this show more because it’s so obviously made for me (strong female characters, conspiracy theories, scary monsters, the occasionally super freak), but it’s still landed a respectable place in my top twenty.

Thing is, The X-Files is an amazing show, and one that everyone who wants to put together a double act should watch. No better match could have been found for each of the two leads than the ones presented here- smart-mouthed believer Mulder and sceptic Scully (on a side note, one of my closest male friends is in love with Scully. Watching an episode with him is to be subjected to a chorus of appreciative gargles followed by a sheepish “sorry, sorry”). They are the heart of a show which has otherwise been done elsewhere before in a variety of ways (The Twilight Zone, Masters of Horror, etc), and they remain one of the finest will-they-won’t-they pairings on television. I can’t remember how many times I’ve been drunkenly watching the show (which is my go-to if I’m wine-pissed), screaming “Kiss! KISS!” at the screen. Both actors are tremendous and bring an interesting depth to their characters, a talent that they’ve both proved wasn’t a fluke in a pair of excellent careers.

I think one of it’s finest selling points, though, was the knowledge that this was a show that would scare you somehow. Whatever you’re pet fear- ghosts, death, terminal illness, aliens, people who could squeeze under doors, serial killers, witches, scary water- you will find it in at least one episode (one of my most unlikely pet phobias turned up in Fearful Symmetry, when an elephant ran quite fast down a road. No joke: wild animals, out of control, and at speed, gives me the heebie fucking jeebies). We all love being scared on some level, and The X Files offers a way to indulge that desire while under the efficient protection of Mulder and Scully.

Watch If: You secretly want to believe too.

Stick Around Until: You meet some of the amazing guest stars, such as Tony Todd, Tobin Bell, John Hawkes- and of course, Bryan Cranston, who crops up in the Vince Gilligan-directed episode Drive. In fact, just skip straight to stand-alone episode Chinga, a terrifying tale written by Stephen King which is by far my favorite episode of the whole show.

Black Books narrowly fought out competition from The IT Crowd and Father Ted, both created and written by the genius Irish comic Graham Linehan, for it’s spot on this list, but this is the show that deserves to be here.
I suppose I’m biased to an extent- after all, the show does revolve around a wine-drinking, chain-smoking, bookshop-owning cynic who may or may not have been retrospectively been based on me- but judging by the amount of times my best friend yells “WHERE ARE THE TURRETS? IT’S RUBBISH!” at me when I pour her some wine, I don’t think I’m the only one. One of the things I like so much about it is it’s complete refusal to be anything other than a totally cynical, black-hearted, and very funny comedy. There are no lessons learned, no friends made, no walls broken down- just a trio of sour, often cruel humans (played to perfection by Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey, and the inimitable Tamsin Greig) bringing pain and suffering down on the heads of those who dare cross their paths.
It’s packed full of the typical Linehan absurdity- coats decorated with accounts, Bill Bailey spontaneously learning to play jazz piano with the spoons, Dylan Moran earnestly whispering “She thinks I’m a reclusive genius! Think how annoyed she’ll be when she finds out I’m just a reclusive wanker!”- and that’s what makes it so memorable. There are only eighteen episodes in total, and they are all a howlingly funny salute to professional cynicism and the complete rejection of anything that might disrupt the status quo. I’ll drink (an entire bottle of wine) to that.

Watch If: When asked to describe yourself, you can’t choose between “angry” and “clever”.

Stick Around Till: The restaurant episode. I wept. I still do.

Starting off the list at number twenty is Vikings, which has only very recently made it on to my radar. I’ve finished the second and most recent series, and it continues to impress- an ambitious, intelligent show that doesn’t flinch away from the nastier stuff in Viking society.

I think what warmed me to this show so quickly was the history it explored: an obsession with ancient history was what sparked my initial fascination with the past which endures well over a decade later. Commissioned and created by the History channel (which has more of a reputation for creating pish shows which somehow incorporate aliens into every single episode), it’s clear that at least a modicum of research has gone into this show, and that’s a pleasure to watch. Even the Consort, who was reluctant to try it out at first, grew to like it pretty quickly. And that’s the thing- it’s a show packed full of great characters and interesting stories, and those are the basics requirements for any good show. Unlike other “historical” dramas (COUGH Games of Thrones COUGH), the story is moved on in leaps and bounds every episode thanks to a shortened first season of just nine episodes. This is good if you’re me, someone who is pathetically averse to waiting a thousand years for anything to happen, and doubly so when those plots involve awesome Viking battles, English royalty played by people apparently trying to out-Blessed Brian, and Gustaf Skasgard belting out monologues while gripping onto the bow of a storm-lashed longboat. It’s already got a dedicated fan base, and you should be part of it.

Watch If: You want a historical drama that’s more drama than history

Stick Around Till: You meet George Blagsden as the alternately curious and terrified Brother Athelstan.

Vikings is one of those shows I’ve been vaguely interested in for a long time. As a big-time history buff with a penchant for ancient European history (hate on me, haterz), it seemed like my kind of show. Factor in the fact I still can’t get my head around enjoying Game of Thrones (A few good characters + rape as set dressing x people trying to pass it off as “historical accuracy” does not = a good show, at least not to me) and it’s even more tempting. But it’s only in the last day that I’ve come round to watching it, and holyshititmightbethebestthingI’veseenthisyear.

Okay, that might be an overstatement (the best thing I’ve seen this year is the Hannibal finale, which was one of the best pieces of television I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing). But Vikings is still pretty damned excellent. It follows the story of the semi-mythologized Ragnar, a farmer with ambitions that go beyond his village. Keen to raid new territory, he winds up rampaging his way through England while dealing with deepening political machinations back home.

I’ll say this straight out: the best thing about Vikings is the cast. It’s one of those rare shows were everyone is so good- Gustaf Skasgard (son of Stellan) as the demonically eccentric Floki, Katheryn Winnick as a formidable female warrior Lagertha, Clive Standen as Rollo, Ragnar’s scheming brother…these are rich, well-conceived characters who help build the immersive world of Vikings with style. The small cast of regulars conveys that sense of tight community and intuitive closeness that comes through the best in the amazing action sequences. Take a look at this bad boy. Background: Ragnar is the blond fellow who almost takes an arrow to the face and the indescribably attractive blond woman is his wife, shieldmaiden Lagertha.

Now, what I really love about the fight scenes in Vikings is how quick they are. They usually last under five minutes, and they rapid, brutal, efficient and frightening. There are no Walking-Dead arterial blood sprays, or slow-motion sword-skewering- these people have been trained to fight, have done so all there lives, and are very, very good at killing people.
But the main quarrel isn’t the plundering or pillaging or raping- the driving conflict behind the show is religion. That mind sound ridiculous and ponderous and boring, but it’s not. One of the main characters-and my personal favourite- is Christian Monk Athelstan, played by George Blagden. Ragnar picks him up as a slave after a raid on Lindisfarne, and he becomes a kind of confidant for the protagonist. We frequently see events through the monk’s eyes- ritual sacrifice, the execution of law, and fervent devotion to Norse Gods is played out to Athelstan’s at best confused, and often horrified, point of view. The clash between Christianity and the Viking’s belief system is frequently explored in ways that I sadly can’t go into if you haven’t seen the show, but it’s a fascinating choice for a series that everyone assumed was going to feature a bunch of hot chicks and swarthy men in funny hats. The eighth episode of the first series, Sacrifice, is probably the best, as it tackles head-on the issue of Athelstan’s continued Christianity and how it continues to affect his life amongst his Viking masters. It’s an audacious choice, but, fuck me, the last ten minutes of Sacrifice make the whole series, let alone the thematic elements, worthwhile.

A quick shout out, before I go, to Travis Fimmel, who plays lead Ragnar. Let’s all take a moment to consider the fact that this guy is a Calvin Klein underwear model by trade. Sure, he’s pretty, but man can he make the whole antihero thing work for him too. While at first Ragnar seemed like he was going to be another dull hero who was too good for his own, well, good, his society has conditioned him to be the kind of person we consider pretty evil. You’ll find yourself drawn to and repelled by him in equal measure, despite the fact he has got, admittedly, a jaw-droppingly good body.
Vikings has just been commissioned for a third series, and I can’t compel you enough to get started now before it’s all anyone can talk about. Grab some mead and a nice warrior woman to see you through the night, and get on this shit now.

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