The Cutprice Guignol

It’s that time of year again – no, not that one, where you’re meant to be snuggling up with your friends and family and sharing the love and warmth of the festive season. No, it’s time to terrorize and torment your loved ones with some good ol’ Christmas horror!

The Christmas horror story is a noble tradition of cutting through the lovely fatty niceness of the festive season with some downright horribleness; the juxtaposition of the homely and the nasty is such a uniquely effective blend and one I will simply never tire of. Which is probably why I’ve chatted a bit about festive horror here and here before. But, that said, I wanted to update my favourite standalone festive horror episodes for all your horrifying holiday season needs, so, without further ado, let’s jump in to some of the very best one-shot Christmas horror!

The Mezzotint

Okay, so you’re telling me that I got an adaptation of my favourite MR James story, with one of my favourite actors Rory Kinnear at the helm? Yeah, this one was already an easy sell to me on paper, but even now, the 2021 special stands as my personal favourite of the modern James adaptations that have continued the BBC’s Ghost Story for Christmas tradition. Mark Gatiss, who adapted the short, has such an obvious passion for the source material and does a wonderful job teasing out the slow, creeping dread that makes the original story so unsettling while working in a few contemporary issues to beef things up a bit. Kinnear predictably eats up the leading role of the museum creator entranced by the titular artwork, and, devoid of jumpscares, The Mezzotint delivers on the kind of nightmare that lingers long after the credits roll.

The Devil of Christmas

What would I be doing with my life if I didn’t include one of my all-time favourite episodes of one of my all-time favourite shows on this list? The Devil of Christmas is one of Inside No. 9’s delving into festive horror (the other being the very serviceable The Bones of Saint Nicholas, which is also worth a watch), but what elevates it to all-timer status is just how fucking mean that ending is. It seemingly follows the director of a British B-movie (voiced by the brilliant Derek Jacobi) as he talks the audience through the behind-the-scenes of his 1977 film about Krampus Night – all wobbly sets, dropped lines, and flagrantly offensive moustaches. Right up until the last few minutes, when it hits with a twist that will have your jaw on the floor in the worst way possible. Go in as cold as possible and let the masters of the modern twist catch you off-guard with this one.

And All Through The House

Robert Zemeckis brings some cinematic flair to this campy black comedy addition to the iconic Tales From the Crypt, which follows Mary Ellen Trainor as she does in her husband at Christmastime to cash in his fortune – only to discover that she’s not the only killer on the loose in their family home that festive season. The switch-up of Santa as a killer home invader is not a new one, but All Through the House delivers some seriously unsettling Saint Nick nastiness – the design of the killer is genuinely unsettling, and Zemeckis leans in to the classic slasher tropes against the tinkling, twinkling backdrop of Christmas music and decorations. Oh, and Trainor plays such a brilliant villain, you can’t help but find yourself rooting for her a little. Or is that just me?

What horror will you be watching this Christmas? Let me know in the comments below!

If you’d like to support my blog, please consider supporting me on Patreon or dropping me a tip via my Support page.

(header image via Radio Times)