The Cutprice Guignol

Since I started writing about my experiences quitting alcohol a few years ago, there’s one question I’ve heard more than any other on the topic: how did you know you have a problem? So, I figured I’d share my answer to that question, in the hopes that it might shed some light on it for those interested. Now, my experiences certainly aren’t universal nor am I any kind of medical professional, and if you’re looking for a tick-box list that will give you a clear answer one way or another, this isn’t that – and, if you’re worried about your alcohol use or that of someone else in a more immediate way, please reach out to the appropriate support systems, both medical and emotional, to seek the help you need.

But, with that said, it’s a question that I asked myself a lot in the time that led up to me finally quitting alcohol – and one that, in retrospect, I can see I should have had an answer to sooner. And, so, these are the questions I would have posited to myself back then if I could, which I think would have helped me find clarity on the ways alcohol was becoming a compulsive coping mechanism for me. And I probably would have spilled a lot less wine down the side of the couch in the process. Anyway, to the list!

Are You Always Finding Reasons to Drink?

Here is a horrible truth for you about substance abuse: if you’re looking for reasons to use your substance of choice, you will find them. There’s always something going on that you can drape over your drinking to give it some legitimacy – personal issues, parties, holidays, whatever it might be. There will always be stresses that you just need a glass of wine to get through – there will always be something worth celebrating by cracking open a bottle of something nice. For so long, I told myself that I would stop, just as soon as this stress had passed or this particular event was behind me, and, eventually, I had to admit that I was using these as excuses to keep drinking. Which brings me to…

Are You Breaking Promises You Make About Alcohol?

This is a little more complicated, so let me try to explain: in the year or so prior to quitting alcohol entirely, I laid down a bunch of rules around drinking that I promised myself I would be able to follow. About when I could drink, how much I could drink when I did, where I could buy alcohol, where I couldn’t; each one of these rules was put in place to try and mitigate the damage that alcohol was doing to my life, and every single one I wound up breaking in a frankly comically short amount of time. Sticking to these rules felt impossible, and, even when I was making them, I knew they weren’t going to last long, frequently dodging even telling anyone about them because I knew I would be quick to fail. If you consistently find yourself unable to stick to promises you’ve made to either yourself or others (but especially yourself) when it comes to drinking, it might be time to re-evaluate.

Are You Comparing Yourself to Others to Make Your Drinking Look Better?

I’m not proud to admit this, but, as I was approaching the final months of being able to justify drinking to myself, I looked to people around me to craft excuses as to why my drinking wasn’t all that big of a deal. I believe that alcohol problems are far more rampant than we’d care to admit, due to the social acceptability of booze compared to other drugs, and that offers a whole lot of opportunity to compare yourself to others in a way that shields you from your own issues. See, I’m not as bad as them, so I can keep drinking, right? Truth is, whatever problems they might be dealing with have precisely nothing to do with how alcohol is impacting your life, and hiding behind other people’s problems isn’t going to make yours any better.

If you’ve quit drinking or other substances, please feel free to drop in the comments below the questions or realizations that helped you come to terms with your issue – I’m really interested to hear how other people figured this out, too. You can check out my other writing on alcohol and sobriety here if you’re interested, and, as ever, please consider supporting me on Patreon if you’d like to see more of my work!