The Cutprice Guignol

So, for a few years now, I have been making the majority of my living off writing erotica, whether that’s my own or commissions for other people. It has made every single dinner party conversation I’ve had about my work phenomenally awkward, but it’s also something that I genuinely really enjoy. I know it’s not for everyone, in terms of writing or reading, but for me, it’s kind of a no-brainer as something that I would get something out of: I’ve always been interested in sex and sexuality and how we as a culture and as individuals interact with those things, and it was a natural extension to start exploring it in my professional life as well as my personal one.

And look, I’ll answer the questions that I get asked most often about this: yes, I’ve come across pretty much every kink you can think of (including that one. And that one. Yes, really). And no, I’m not spending my days in a constant horny haze of pure desire as I try to get enough work done to pay my mortgage and keep my cat in treaties (not a euphemism). This is work for me, and for the most part, I approach it with that in mind: I’m trying to create work of the highest quality I can, and I don’t want to compromise that by getting, ahem, distracted.

But I’d also be lying if I said that writing this kind of content and engaging with the community and clients I have around it hasn’t changed the way I view and interact with sex and sexuality. So let’s recline in our sumptuously seductive scarlet silken robes, charge up our vibrators, and talk about it a little!

In a broad sense, erotica is a genre dominated by women both in terms of readership and authorship, and that makes it quite a unique space within pop culture: with a lot of sexual content being created by or for the male gaze, I’ve found it really interesting to see what a genre typically led by the female gaze looks like. Which is not to say that erotica is some kind of unproblematic and perfect feminist haven, by any means. In fact, I think a lot of erotic content aimed at women is infected the same misogyny that fills content made for men, and unfortunately I believe the influence and success of stuff like Fifty Shades of Grey has led to an even more prominent subsection of books that sexualize and eroticize non-consensual sexual encounters and even sexual assault (not that it didn’t exist before that, too).

But there is, undoubtedly, something really special about being a part of this space which is so unapologetically focused on women’s desire, problematic or not, taboo or otherwise. I think, as women, we’re often encouraged to divorce ourselves from our sexuality or filter it through the lens of the male gaze, and I found writing this erotica with a female audience in mind forced me to reconsider what that actually meant.

What does sex and arousal and desire look like without a man, real or imaginary, consuming it in some way? I didn’t realize until I started reading the work of other erotica authors (some I love, for those interested: Jenny Trout, Emily Henry, Anne Shade) how much my own view of sex had been influenced by a male-dominated cultural landscape, and writing stuff that wasn’t aimed at that audience forced me to consider what female-centric sexuality looked like (and not in a “WATCH this woman SQUIRT herself into a COMA while MEN WATCH” sense, as so much mainstream porn that claims to be female-centric does), in a way that I’ve found really positive.

On a more personal level, too, during the time that I’ve been writing erotica, I’ve had some issues with own relationship to my body and sexuality for various reasons, and I always found this line of work a really positive way to keep the thread connecting me to my sexuality strong, even when I didn’t feel like I was in a place where I could act on it. I could put myself at a safe distance from actually engaging with sex through these characters I was writing, observe from the outskirts without having to put myself right there in the middle of it. It was enough, sometimes, to coax me back into remembering why, yes, I do actually enjoy this stuff in my own life, not just in fiction, and I’m really lucky to be in a line of work that benefits me personally like that.

Writing erotica for a living isn’t something I imagined I would ever find myself doing, but I’m genuinely glad I did – as well as introducing me to a few fetishes that still make my mind bend a little bit, it’s something that has given me space to explore sexuality in a male-centric culture that I don’t know I would have found otherwise. Do you read or write erotica? If you do, has it impacted your relationship with sex and sexuality? Who are your favourite authors, most importantly, so I can start reading them? Let me know in the comments below!

Oh, and in case anyone is interested: here are some links to free samples of my erotica. Enjoy!

If you enjoyed this article and want to see more stuff like it, check out my other blog, No But Listen, as well as my fiction work! You can also support me on Patreon to help keep this blog running and keep my very demanding little cat in treaties, and me out of her clutches for another month yet.