The Cutprice Guignol

This episode has forced me to delve deep into the depths of my critical faculties; to nobly look beyond the restraints of my old biases to see the truth, even though I am so blinkered in my abject dislike of a major part of this instalment that I nearly quit the series on principal. But I must, dear reader, push on for you – I know how important these recaps are to you (not at all) and I refuse to let you down, even if The Substitute does invoke my ire in a way few other things in this show have so far.

And that particular invocation of my unrestrained rancor? Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltrow guest-stars as Holly Holliday in this episode, a substitute teacher who takes over from Will after he falls ill for a few days, and I just…I hate her, guys. It’s purely a taste thing, and I know plenty of people quite enjoy her performance here, but I just cannot stand her. She stands out like a sore thumb in the world of Glee so far, a huge star who we’re being asked to take seriously as this actual human being; I don’t like her performance style, I don’t think she’s particularly funny, I find her oddly cold for a character who’s meant to be such a “genuine” eccentric. Her hair looks nice? I guess. There’s such an insincerity to Gwyneth Paltrow to me, I just can’t get past it; every time I look at her, I’m thinking about all the bullshit she’s flogged to a majority female customer base on Goop, which isn’t anything to do with this episode, but God, she just pisses me off.

As tempted as I was to cross my arms, pout, and say “well, I don’t like it”, I nobly pushed on for the sake of my critical kudos. When I remembered this was one of her episodes this season, I was ready for this one to be an utter stinker, but I have to admit – even with the great big Paltrow-shaped blight in the middle of it – The Substitute’s just not that bad at all.

Let’s talk about the performances first: while I don’t care for Paltrow’s performance style, she’s fine if you like that kind of thing. But there’s an amazing, indulgent performance in The Substitute that I still love with all my heart, and that is, of course, Harry Shum Jnr and Matthew Morrison doing Make ‘Em Laugh.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=C4j4s8C9gLc

Now, I need you to know that the original version of this, from Singin’ in the Rain, is simply one of the most transcendent five minutes of cinema I’ve ever seen. Donald O’ Connor’s performance in the original is rightly iconic and remembered as an astonishing feat of physicality, dance skill, and humour, and when I say that I think Morrison and Shum Jnr do it justice, that’s a huge compliment. It’s so fun to see Morrison in his classic musical theatre element here, while Harry Shum Jnr has such great comic timing, and it’s so obvious both of them are having a great time bringing this challenging but utterly entertaining piece to life; it’s fucking great, it really is, even if it’s just a totally indulgent cutaway sequence rather than anything to do with the actual plot.

And is this a funny episode? Of course it is. In fact, it’s a downright riot, as all the rules of the Glee club go flying out the window in the abscence of Mr Schu; Rachel announcing that they’re going to be choosing songs they’d most like her to sing before Santana flies for her in a banshee rage genuinely made me shout-giggle, and Sue’s attempts to joust with Beiste in her new role as short-term principal are outrageously good (her scrawling “HUMILIATION” in her journal is me that one time I fell over in front of a playground full of kids while I was out on a run and landed hands-first in a puddle of mud). Also, I know it’s not an intentional joke, but the sight of Cory Monteith, visibly an adult man, sitting in a high school class is never not funny to me.

The drama is…less convincing, but Jessalyn Gilsig’s here, so I’m ready to party, you know what I mean? Terri slithers back into Will’s life to take care of him while he’s ill, and I love seeing Gilsig back at her desperate, villainous best here. It’s an odd plot, but one that works given how Gilsig’s highly-strung madness has been seeded throughout the first season – it makes sense she would use this chance to close in on Will again, and that Will would give in, given Emma’s involvement with Carl. There are moments between Morrison and Gilsig where you can really feel the history and see the attraction to Will of just going back to what he knows, and it sells this plot for me well.

Not quite as well sold, though, is the Mercedes storyline this week. As Kurt and Blaine get closer, Kurt begins to distance himself from Mercedes now that he’s found someone he can relate to more. I actually enjoy this premise, as it’s so common in high school (and in general) to find yourself sidelined by people you’ve grown close to once they attach themselves to someone they believe understands other parts of them better, but then the plot takes a hard right turn into Mercedes’ obsession with getting…tater tots back on the school dinner menu? It feels like a genuine insult to Amber Riley’s talent to have her fighting for fucking fried potatoes here, like the curling finger of a monkey’s paw when I was banging my drum about how much I love her earlier this season. I know this show is more than a decade old and it’s not going to change tack based on what I say in these reviews, but girl, honestly – Amber Riley deserves better and I’m still pissed when I see her not getting it.

So, yes, despite the Paltrow of it all, The Substitute is actually a really serviceable episode outside of Holly Holliday (and I’m well-aware that my dislike of her isn’t shared by most of the fandom). Glee’s got enough going on right now – and is tapping in to the comic chops of it’s wider cast – to carry an episode even when the central premise isn’t exactly my favourite, and that’s a good sign. But hey, I’m not shot of Holly sodding Holliday yet, with another episode coming up this season featuring her prominently, so I’ve got that to look forward to (look away from? What’s the negative version of that phrase?). What do you think of Holly? I’m genuinely curious to know where you guys land on her in this season of the show, so let me know in the comments if you’re so inclined. And, if nothing else, go watch Donald O’Connor in Singin’ in the Rain. You won’t regret it.

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(header image via TVMaze)