The Cutprice Guignol

Ever since I started this series, this episode has been looming on the horizon, a veritable blogging kaiju ready to tear through this innocent corner of the internet and put a stop to all the great uh – good uh – to all the work I’ve been doing here.

The Rocky Horror Glee Show is upon us, dear readers, and I, for one, am scared. I saw a woman with a “science fiction double feature” tattoo over the backs of both her thighs two weeks ago, and it send a shockwave of terror through my system as I realised how close I was to getting to this damn episode. Exaggeration? Mostly. But The Rocky Horror Glee Show poses one of the first major threats to the show’s “at least passable” run, and I, for one, am ready to get it over with.

Okay, let’s start with the performances, because if there’s one part of this episode I do quite enjoy, it’s the songs. Rocky Horror has banger tunes, and seeing some of the cast get their lungs around the bigger numbers is genuinely fun – I love the opening Science Fiction Double Feature, and I still think Amber Riley’s Sweet Transvestite is truly the high point of this episode for me, though given my endless stanning of Riley especially in this second season, that’s not really a surprise. I would genuinely watch a version of Rocky Horror with her in this role, it just feels so right, and her voice adds so much drama and range to the music. Chris Colfer was born to embody Richard O’Brien’s version of Riff Raff, even if he’s not in it enough for my liking, and Dianna Agron is a whole heap of fun as Magenta. And…

Uh. Um. Oh. I thought I liked more about the performances this episode, I really did, but these performances are just so fucking lifeless. They feel so devoid of passion, power, the sly nature of the original musical – it was kind of doomed from the start, given Glee’s peppy tone at this point, and given that I don’t think you can capture the kind of fabulously subversive feel of Rocky Horror in what was one of the biggest shows on TV at the time. Though the musical has become such a huge cult hit since it’s release, it’s roots are in the underground, and anything trying to appeal to this wide an audience just isn’t the setting for it, you know? It’s why later musical episodes like the West Side Story mini-arc next season work so much better – tonally and culturally, they fit where the show was at far better.

And, for me, so many of these performances rank in the bottom tier of the show. I don’t like John Stamos doing his best (worst) Meat Loaf, I don’t like Finn and Rachel aggressively mouthing Dammit, Janet at each other, and I don’t like Will and Emma’s Touch-A-Touch-A-Touch-Me.

No, that’s not a strong enough word for it, actually. Jayma May’s robotic autotune is bad enough, but this is probably my least favourite Matthew Morrison performance in the entire show – yes, even worse than The Th*ng S*ng – because of the absolute nuclear-grade levels of cringe here. That bomb Christopher Nolan set off on the set of Oppenheimer? It was that point-of-view shot of a shirtless Morrison leaning over the camera and gurning like something out of Peeping Tom. I’m pretty indentured against cringe – this show gave me all my shots, after all – but this is unforgivable. This is what I think of when I think of the episode, and it creates a visceral reaction in me, even now. This performance feels like touching a bit of wet bread you forget to scrape out of a bowl while you’re washing dishes: hell on earth.

But, for the sake of my critical reputation, I must nobly push on to look at the rest of the episode and ask – is this really where Glee gets bad?

Friends, we were so close. Obviously, this is a funny episode – Jane Lynch getting to riff in her Sue Cs It segment is always a hoot, but it was Finn sadly admitting to wearing a swim shirt at the pool that really got me, damn Cory Monteith and his sad snoopy delivery – but what about the drama?

Does this episode bend over backwards to find a way to allow the plot to fit Rocky Horror into this episode? Yes. I consider these themed episodes sort of a Very Special Episode for Glee, and the dramatic side of the plot does step down a notch to allow for that. But does it employ Nasty Will to do that? Also yes.

I really enjoy when the show recognises Will is a Bit of a Dick, and watching him bitch and whine to himself about not being able to get Emma is genuinely entertaining to me. Him putting on Rocky Horror to get her is random, yes, but he’s groping at straws for whatever it takes to win her over and prove himself on a level with her far more appealing boyfriend – it just makes sense for me that he would do something this stupid. Is it a thin set-up? Yes. But I enjoy watching Matthew Morrison scheme like the squirelly little bitch I’ve always known Will to be, so this episode skates just under the wire.

This is the closest we’ve come, friends – let’s all hold hands and thank Tim Curry we got through this one. We’re definitely into uneven territory here, and from this point on, I think any episode could prove to be the titular When Glee Gets Bad. We live in fear. Or hope. One of the, anyway.

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(header image via Decider)