Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter Fifteen

by thethreepennyguignol

Yeah, in amongst all this Doctor Who nonsense, it seems as though I’ve let my commitment to my first true blogging adventure slip. Sorry about that. Without further ado, let’s plunge back in Fifty Shades Freed! We only have about a dozen chapters to go, and I’m already planning what I’m going to recap next – any ideas?

We left off last time (almost three weeks ago, oops) with Ana and Christian going for a night on the town after Kate and Elliot got engaged. Ana wakes up to find Christian wrapped around her like poison ivy, and thinks about the fact her hand is still sore from where she slapped a guy the night before. Then Christian wakes up and she thanks him for taking care of her while she was shitfaced (and mentions that she was surprised he let her drink that much, but you know, progress?).

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I’ll take it. Lol jk of course I won’t.

Christian is all anguished that someone else touched her – not, mind, that she was groped against her will, but just that someone touched her, because nothing is more offensive to Christian than someone else playing with his toy – and they do some of their interminable “Mr Grey”/”Mrs Grey” banter, and I guess this level of infuriating smugness is meant to show how in love they are?

Then Christian tells Ana that he wants her to fight his domination and put up some resistance to his control of her for his sexual pleasure, and lol, if I was her I would immediatley refuse to change my name to his and spend twice as much time at the office but I’m assuming that’s not what he’s talking about. So Ana gamely pretends to fight him off while he comes on to her, blah blah. Christian makes her wait for ages and then they fuck, and not once does Ana take the opportunity to shout “I find your constant monitoring of my eating choices and weight invasive!” as I would have given the situation. Anyway.

Christian is all sad afterwards because Ana brings up Mrs Robinson, and it seems like Christian is finally coming to terms with the fact that she molested him, which is some legit progress, so good. They fuck again, and then Ana goes through to breakfast and watches Christian swishing about a bamboo stick outside. Then, after some glossed-over sections where the group go for lunch and a hike, Christian and Ana are back home again in Seattle. They talk about the trip and Ana says she’d like to take Ray to the house, and then Christian teases her by mentioning that they’ll be seeing Gia again soon. Ana’s determined to keep her away from Christian;

“”As ever, Mr. Grey. From all sexual predators,” I whisper.”

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My exact reaction to that line. But then, my aesthetic is always a wearily removed Childish Gambino on a ferris wheel, so…

Alright, alright. Somehow, Gia has become my favourite character in this book by sheer virtue of the fact that I continually have to defend her from the bullshit Ana and company throw at her. With this section so close to the Mrs Robinson conversation earlier, it’s clear that Ana is drawing a comparison between the two of them – eg, she’s comparing a woman who routinely abused a troubled teenage boy, and a woman who, from what the text has shown, has been nothing more than professionally pleasant to a client. This is just fucking ridiculous. Does EL James think that any women who isn’t outrightly taking a shit on her partner is a sexual predator and therefore a threat to her? What the fuck is this?

The chapter skips through Ana thinking about their move, their return to work, and other such edifying topics. Then she asks Christian if he misses all the BDSM stuff, to which he replies:

“”Dr. Flynn said something to me when you left, something that’s stayed with me. He said I couldn’t be that way if you weren’t so inclined. It was a revelation.””

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Mike is everyone’s secret favourite in Breaking Bad, right?

Again, the fuck? Maybe it’s the couple of blissful weeks I’ve had away from this nonsense, but this is pretty bad, right? Did it take someone spelling it out for Christian to realize that if your partner doesn’t like or consent to the stuff you want in bed, then you don’t do it? Is that news to him? Because if it is, it really hasn’t sunk in, considering he sprung orgasm control on her with no warning and brushed off her afterwards just a few chapters ago. A baby just started screaming outside my apartment, and I assume that the sheer level of my rage has somehow radiated outside.

They fuck, and then we jump to Ana’s work where we have to sit through stacks of crushingly boring emails between the pair of them for a bit, before Ana’s assistant comes in and tells her about some appointments that week, including one with a doctor that Ana will miss and thus end up pregnant oh no did I give away the big twist?!

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I feel like this gif has been around for my entire life and yet I still never get tired of it. 

Ana doddles about going to meetings and talking to her assistant for a bit, and the rest of the chapter is honestly just emails talking about all the dirty, excellent sex they had off-screen and briefly touching on the fact that Jack Hyde is still in custody. Of all the bad writing in these books, I can say without a doubt that the emails are the lowest of the thunderously boring lows, and I would very much like for EL James to never do them again. I can’t remember, but were these emails the exact same in the POV-swapped book? Because if they were, then I almost have to respect ol’ EL for being such a smarmily, uselessly lazy success.

The chapter ends on a cliffhanger as Leila turns up at Ana’s office and asks to meet with her, hopefully to finish her off at last. Fingers crossed!

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