Fifty Shades Freed: Chapter Five

Yes, I’m back with another recrap – after the monstrous awfulness that was Fifty Shades Darker the (barely) motion picture, I had to take a break for a little bit to swoon on to my fainting couch and get over all the outrageously sexy missionary position and massage oil. We left off last time with Christian and Ana having┬áhissy sex, and we open with Ana waking up to Christian missing from the bed. He soon appears to soothe her;

“”Were you watching me sleep?”

“Yes,” he says gazing at me steadily, studying me […]”

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Man, for a show about two straight men, Hannibal is just the gayest thing

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