A Definitive List of Things I Like on Game of Thrones More Than Jon Snow

by thethreepennyguignol

The boyfriend and I have been rewatching Game of Thrones and I have some important thoughts I’d like to share with you- mainly, the definitive list of things I like better than Jon Snow.


  1. Brienne of Tarth
  2. Cercei’s favourite wine cup
  3. Joffery
  4. The gratuitous rape scenes
  5. Jon Snow’s costuming choices
  6. The terrible Blood of my Blood episode
  7. Dorne
  8. Jon Snow’s stupid hair
  9. Jon Snow’s stupid facial hair
  10. Burning children
  11. Every scene set in a brothel
  12. The line “FUCK ‘EM TILL THEIR DEAD”
  13. Tyrion’s scar
  14. Sir Lloris’ love of women’s robes
  15. Tommen Lannister’s cat, Sir Pounce
  16. The Hound’s code
  17. Theon’s favourite toy
  18. Ramsay’s poison pen letters
  19. The theme song
  20. Hodor’s entire arc (RIP big man)
  21. Being the God of tits and wine
  22. Baby dragons
  23. Khaleesi emerging from the flames naked at the end of season one even though she DEFINETLEY could have magicked up some clothes if she survived BEING BURNT ALIVE BASICALLY
  24. CGI boobs
  25. Oberyn Martell and his headache
  26. The Mountain’s scintillating dialogue
  27. All the direwolves, ALL of them
  28. Wolf-shaped bread
  29. Lemon cake
  30. Holding doors
  31. Joffery taking the stool away
  32. The Tywin Lannister school of good parenting
  33.  That scene where Jon Snow does a big speech to convince the Knight’s Watch to come to Craster’s Keep and they all stand up just to get him to stop fucking talking.
  34. Littlefinger’s magic ever-changing accent
  35. Varys’ stunning dress sense
  36. Iwan Rheon’s pretty eyes
  37. The ever-shrinking Stark family newsletter
  38. That baby the White Walkers turn in that one episode
  40. Jon Snow’s sword
  41. Tormund eyefucking Brienne
  42. The mother of drag-ing on plots
  43. Boobs, boobs, boobs
  44. Some vag
  45. More boobs
  46. Historically inaccurate landing strips
  47. The fact that I can count the times I’ve seen a dick on this show on, like, one hand
  48. Tyrion dragging the chair
  49. Tyrion’s bitchslap to Joffery
  50. Cercei Lannister school of parenting
  51. Jamie’s fake hand
  52. Ian Mcshane
  53. Johanthan Pryce
  54. The arc dealing with misogyny in the church that also had boobs in it
  55. The pool of blood on Walder Frey’s floor
  56. Castle Black
  57. The fact that the show deviated from it’s source material to add in a rape for no discernible reason
  58. The Iron Throne
  59. I’m going to put the theme song here again, because have you even heard it?
  60. That bit where if Rickon had run in a zigzag he’d still be alive today
  61. All the horses, ALL of them
  62. The easy charm of Stannis Baratheon
  63. Each and every one of the background prostitutes
  64. Every flake of snow
  65. Every ray of sunshine
  66. Every drop of rain
  67. Ygritte, even though she let Jon Snow dick her
  68. That kid who stabbed Jon- Oli? Yeah, he’s down.
  69. The fact that season four really jumped the shark
  70. That one, beautiful, fleeting scene where it looked like Jon might be dead, but then wasn’t, so we had to put up with the whole cast and crew gurning about the “secret” for the next fifteen years
  71. Hardholme
  72. The Battle of the Bastards
  73. Peter Dinklage, obviously
  74. Jon Snow’s HILARIOUS sad face (I mean, scroll back up and look at that, and tell me it’s not a bit hilarious
  75. Arya’s blindness
  76. That bit where Cercei releases the wildfire and the entire of King’s Landing is consumed in a firey ball of death, and Maergery KNEW and she could have SAVED EVERYONE and-
  77. Kit Harrington