Doctor Who: MP
Reasons why politicians should start acting like Doctor Who.
1. He remembers people’s names. Nick Clegg took inspiration from the Time Lord during the election debates, standing out as the candidate with the most social aptitude. Unfortunately this wannabee Galifrean turned out to be more of a Martha Jones- poorly acted, permanently twitchy, and endlessly inviting ridicule.
2. He always has a spunky female sidekick. Imagine all the little sub-Cleggian types, but played by shouty, nostril-flaring Billie Piper or leggy Scotswoman Karen Gillan. Much as she’s tried, Ann Widecombe just hasn’t been up to assistant standard yet. Replacing her with Emma Watson would help. Or Nigella Lawson,who’ve I’ve always seen as this assistant from some soft-core, erotic porn parody called Doctor Whore.
3. He dresses well. Imagine David Cameron sweeping up for parliament in a knee-length suede jacket, hands rammed in pinstriped pockets with his hair swept off his face like a Kerouac who ended up teaching English at high schools. I’d hate him half as much.
4. He’s sexually ambiguous. Though William Hague apparently tried to fuel rumors about his sexuality, it all looked a bit seedy and not as swishy and rollicking as the Doctor makes the rough and tumble of homosexual activity seem. Solution: Replace William Hague with John Barrowman.
5. The theme tune. They could play it while everyone was filing into their seats at the start of Government. Doo doo doooo…..