The Cutprice Guignol

Let’s talk about Hiram Lodge.

The patriarch of the Lodge family and empire, Hiram (as played by the only Gargoyle King of my heart, Mark Consuelos), has been relatively absent from this season so far, which makes sense, given that he was the big bad of season two in many ways – he outlasted the Black Hood, and his machinations have driven much of the worst stuff that has happened in Riverdale so far. But this episode, The Man in Black, is all about bringing my Lodge of choice back to the forefront – except I’m not actually sure I like it so much.

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There’s a scene in this week’s episode of Riverdale, a scene that’s so purely horror that it hurts: Betty confronts Alice in the family home, in the midst of an enormous storm. The lights cut out – for a moment, we can make out a shadowy figure moving past the windows lit by the watery blue light of the moon (it wasn’t Chic, but it was Chic, you know?). As Alice goes to check the circuit breakers, the Gargoyle King himself turns up in their front room. Fleeing to Betty’s bedroom, the pair stumble across an even more sinister tableau: a grave marker, with their names written in red, lying above a human skull. They scream, the camera twists in, and I’m over here cheering with delight.

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