The Cutprice Guignol

Say hi to my favourite collaborator for a take on the new Buffy reboot!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a show that is part of my DNA.

I first watched it on BBC2 when I was eight years old (said episode was How to Kill a Boy on the First Date and gave me a somewhat skewed view of my dating life, or would have were it not yet a decade away from starting) and have had a least one conversation about it every day since then. I’ve wiled away hours of school and work just going through character arcs, laughing at even its worst jokes, and thinking that Double Meat Palace is underrated; I may be sick. So, when it was announced that star Sarah Michelle Gellar and Oscar-winning director Chloe Zhao were reviving the show, my feelings were not mixed: I was furious.

Obviously, the first reaction is to wonder why they can’t leave classic shows well alone. But that’s naïve when looking at the television landscape of the last decade – we’ve had new Star Trek, Frasier, Will and Grace, Prison Break, Justified, a Deadwood movie, and a Sex and the City reboot that is somehow a ratings hit that no one watches. Revivals are, no matter what creative weight might lay behind them, about money, and Buffy has been the holdout for a while. The quality of these shows is inconsistent, but even if they aren’t hits, they do serve the purpose of getting eyes on a fledgling streamer. Paramount+ serves as a good example with Dexter’s sequel and prequel series, as well as the Star Trek movie Section 31 only there to tempt Trekkies into turning themselves to new subscribers.

So, a revival was inevitable, but I’m not just against it in principal – after all, I also love Twin Peaks and The X-Files, and I was excited when their revivals were announced. But it’s those shows that perfectly represent may problem with the idea of new Buffy. The X-Files was brought back to give closure to a series that was barely recognisable at the end of its original nine season run (and the fact that it didn’t do so is further proof that creator Chris Carter hasn’t a clue what he’s doing); Twin Peaks always felt unfinished and, for better and for worse, The Return is a definite end to that story. These shows were left hanging, there was an appetite for and a place for each show to go, even if it was just an excuse for two more Darin Morgan X-Files episodes.

Buffy’s story is finished, and pretty brilliantly at that. Evil is vanquished, the world is full of Slayers, Sunnydale is a crater, and Buffy is no longer spiritually alone in her fight. Would it be cool to see Buffy in a Giles role with a new Slayer? Sure, but which Slayer? What would make this one more significant than the other Slayers out there? Do they reverse Willow’s Slayer awakening spell? If so, it would render that ending kind of pointless. Like most revivals of shows that finished properly in their original run, Buffy’s problem is that any new story featuring these same characters (as Sarah Michelle Gellar’s involvement suggests) is more likely to break the arc of the original. Just ask Picard fans how happy they were with their captain’s future adventures after his iconic run on Star Trek: The Next Generation. We’re still furious.

Will I watch Buffy? No, not unless I’m literally paid to do it. The show means to much to me to see it be swept up in the streaming war madness of today’s television. Reviving a show after twenty years always bring compromises, and the thought of the brilliant Buffyverse limping on so Hulu can trick us into another subscription is not my idea of a good time.

(header image via Variety)