The Cutprice Guignol

Something’s been bothering me recently.

And it comes from some of the online and real life circles I happen to be involved with – the vast majority of them left-wing, anti-homophobia, anti-transphobia, anti-racism, anti-sexism. Feminism is a major talking point in these parts of my life, for people of all genders, and there seems to be, thankfully, a generally-accepted consensus that misogynistic language and attitudes are harmful to women and girls and shouldn’t be tolerated in these spaces.

But, I’ve noticed in the last few months, the anti-misogyny stance appears to stretch only so far. Specifically, it only seems to last as far as it takes for a woman to do something capital-W Wrong. Often a woman who doesn’t align with their political views, and especially a woman who appears to go against the tenets of feminism and women’s empowerment – in doing this, she seems to divest herself of the protections against this kind of misogyny. Suddenly, the comments aimed at her are relying on the same misogyny they once had such a problem with: she can’t get laid, she needs a man, she’s ugly, she’s fat, she’s just a stupid woman, she doesn’t know what’s good for her. Sometimes, this commenters go as far as to wish or threaten harm, either sexual or physical, against the woman who’s passed over the misogyny-exempt barrier and into fair game territory.

And I want you to know that women can see you doing this, and we can see it for what it is. When misogynist language and attitudes are a weapon in your toolbox only against women you don’t like, if you’re willing to put it aside when women do what you want them to do, it doesn’t make us feel safe or supported. It makes us feel like you’re aware of the harm those words and attitudes do, and your understanding of them allows you to wield them more hurtfully against those who you’ve decided to deserve it. And it serves as a reminder that we’re only exempt from your misogyny as long as we perform in a way that you deem acceptable, whatever that might be.

Misogyny against women you don’t like is still misogyny. No matter how awful or how nasty or how harmful you think a woman is (and I know that a lot of the women I’m referencing here really do hold shitty, dangerous views, views I believe should be criticized and called out) hitting back at her with misogyny only serves to feed in to negative power structures and social constructs that harm all women, not just the one you’re aiming it at. I understand where this urge comes from, this urge to respond to women you don’t like in this way – it’s something I had to unlearn myself, as many of us do, growing up surrounded by cultural messages of misogyny and having that be the go-to to put down a woman you don’t like. I’m always so let down when I see people who claim to stand for women’s rights and wellbeing wielding the same tools that have been used to pull apart that very same thing for so long.

Because misogyny isn’t the kind of weed you can behead at the stem to let it re-grow when you think the time is right; it needs to be pulled out by the root. No matter how objectionable the woman or her opinions happen to be, this approach only serves to back up the harmful systems that we should be dedicated to dismantling.

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