The Cutprice Guignol

Hello, it’s 2022, and I’d like to get better.

I’ve been working on my mental health (specifically OCD, an eating disorder, and depression) for about four years now, properly – four years of therapy, medication, genuine effort to improve my life and turn it into something I actually want to live.

And, in the last year or so, I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where my mental health is, most of the time, bearable. I’m able to manage my anxiety most of the time, at least to a degree that it doesn’t run my life anymore; I went from sobbing on the bathroom floor three times a day about having a terminal illness to…well, doing it once a month, instead. Honestly, I’m proud of that. It’s taken a long time not just to work on my mental health, but to acknowledge the gulf between the life that I wanted to live and the one that I was actually living as a direct result of the shit my brain shouts at me on a minute-by-minute basis.

And I’ve been sort of resting on that lately. Not utterly miserable all the time, even if there are days where I am, doing what I need to, getting through it. But this year, I want to close that gap between “current life” and “actual best life” a little more, and I know that, to do that, I’m going to have to spend a little more time working on mental health. I want to go from “just coping” to “actually having a great time, as much as possible”. I’m not expecting to emerge from this a zen master floating about on clouds of wheatgrass and wellness retreats; I’d just like to stop my anxiety, depression, and Other Misc. Mad Stuff getting in the way of living the life that I’d really like to live. A life that makes me happy.

And I always find it useful to write about any new journey I’m undertaking (though writing the word “journey” in relation to anything involving myself does make me want to lightly cringe), so consider this little article here the start of that: my accountability, to try and improve my quality of life and get a handle on my bad days over the course of the next year. I’m not talking complete healing and solving of all my problems, but rather a sensible and achievable goal of doing more, feeling better while doing it, and

I’m open to trying pretty much anything (not essential oils, though, thank you MLM huns), and I’m planning to share what works, what hasn’t, where I’m at in these here articles about once a month. I’d love to hear any bits and pieces that have worked in improving your quality of life, when it comes to depression, anxiety, OCD, or eating disorders, and I’m really looking forward to sharing this next (and hopefully positive!) part of my life with you!