The Cutprice Guignol

The Sixth Year: American Sigh Story

Category: Riverdale recaps

Riverdale S3E7: The Man in Black

Let’s talk about Hiram Lodge.

The patriarch of the Lodge family and empire, Hiram (as played by the only Gargoyle King of my heart, Mark Consuelos), has been relatively absent from this season so far, which makes sense, given that he was the big bad of season two in many ways – he outlasted the Black Hood, and his machinations have driven much of the worst stuff that has happened in Riverdale so far. But this episode, The Man in Black, is all about bringing my Lodge of choice back to the forefront – except I’m not actually sure I like it so much.

Read the rest of this entry »


Riverdale S3E6: Manhunter

There’s a scene in this week’s episode of Riverdale, a scene that’s so purely horror that it hurts: Betty confronts Alice in the family home, in the midst of an enormous storm. The lights cut out – for a moment, we can make out a shadowy figure moving past the windows lit by the watery blue light of the moon (it wasn’t Chic, but it was Chic, you know?). As Alice goes to check the circuit breakers, the Gargoyle King himself turns up in their front room. Fleeing to Betty’s bedroom, the pair stumble across an even more sinister tableau: a grave marker, with their names written in red, lying above a human skull. They scream, the camera twists in, and I’m over here cheering with delight.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S3E5: The Great Escape

I mean, ever since the first episode of this season, where Archie ended up in jail, I knew that we were destined/doomed to this plot: a prison break. But this week’s episode, The Great Escape, dives into the inevitable with hysterical commitment – and somehow, success.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S3E4: The Midnight Club

Right from Riverdale’s unbelievably kooky little nineties-throwback title card, I knew that this was going to be an episode that, despite myself, I enjoyed. And dammit, I did.

The Midnight Club, this week’s episode of Riverdale, is the long-awaited flashback episode, covering the teenage past of Alice,  FP, Fred, Hermione, and company as it relates to the current outbreak of suicides in the present-day Riverdale teens.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S3E3: As Above, So Below

Well, dammit, Riverdale might on on a roll.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S3E2: Fortune and Men’s Eyes

Well, shut my mouth and call me Jughead. Last week, I wrote that I was worried that Riverdale might suffer from some serious third season problems – basically, that it would run out of ideas and drag us through a bunch of shit that didn’t stick to the wall for the first two seasons. But, judging by this excellent second episode, Fortune and Men’s Eyes, I think I might just have been wrong.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S3E1: Labor Day

Well, hello, and welcome back: not only is this week the return of Doctor Who, but the beginning of the third season of TV’s resident chaos demon, Riverdale. If you’re just joining us now, check out my recaps for the whole of season two, right here. If you’re back for more, let’s get this Skeet Ulrich crush machine show on the road!

Read the rest of this entry »

TV Characters I Would Not Fight

First off, my apologies for the lack of posting the last few weeks: work has been batshit busy, I’ve been travelling a lot, and it’s summer and hot and lovely so I want to be outside sipping on iced soy vanilla lattes and not glaring at Stephen King’s debut novel lately. But this month things are much chiller, and I’m hoping to finish up both the Carrie recaps and the Best Episodes Ever series, so stay tuned for that!

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S2E21: Judgement Night

I mean, seriously, where to start with Judgement Night? It’s the tautest forty minutes of TV you’ll see this month, packed to bursting with reveals, revelations, and last-minute twists – and I thought last week was strong. But it’s really an incredible display of the sheer ambition that Riverdale has delivered on in this second season, a climax to a half-dozen plots that have been simmering for almost two dozen episodes leading up to this explosive (literally and figuratively) denouement.

Read the rest of this entry »

Riverdale S2E20: Shadow of a Doubt

How the hell is this season going to end?

Read the rest of this entry »