There’s a lot of talk in this episode, Jawbreaker, about people needing “to come back to reality”. Which is pretty fucking bold for a show that’s as wildly off the rails as Riverdale right now.
Maybe you woke up, on the first day of this year, and thought “yes, this is going to be my year”. Maybe you worked hard. Maybe you really focused in on yourself, making your life happier, fuller, a warmer place for you to live. Maybe you really believed it was the year of you.
Alright, you know what? That’s it. I’m done.
I’m done trying to make sense of this show. I’m done trying to figure out what the best version of Riverdale is – I’m done lying awake at night imagining KJ Apa lurking at the end of my bed and croaking horrors about another fucking boxing episode. Trying to find logic in what makes Riverdale work is very possibly the reason that I am currently seeing a therapist. You look back over these recaps and tell me that they haven’t just been a desperate record of my personal descent into madness. I defy you.
I just want to remind you up top that my fucking DEBUT NOVEL comes out in FIVE DAYS which means you just have a few days left to get it at a pre-sale 20% discount. Right here! Get on it! Go on!
This week’s outing, American Dreams, is Riverdale’s fiftieth episode. Which could be a chance for the show to pause and reflect on things – but instead, we’re gallumphing forward with the speed and control of a runaway hippopotamus. Let’s get into it, shall we?
It feels strange to be writing this Riverdale recap this week. I know a lot of you are here for the snark on TV’s biggest trainwreck, but there’s a heavy weight on the back of the show right now, and that’s because, on Monday, Luke Perry passed away.
Alright, so sometimes Riverdale does genre parody, in that sort of sly, if-you-get-it-you-get-it kind of way. And sometimes, it just lifts every cliche from the genre handbook and crams it into one episode and dumps it on your lap. This week’s outing. The Red Dahlia, was the latter. And this time, Riverdale is going balls-to-the-wall with its noir.
Before we start this week, I’d just like to draw your attention to the fact that my debut novel, RAPE JOKES, is available for pre-order right here and right now!
Well, we’re back – and in the break, it feels as though everything in Riverdale has gotten a lot more…concentrated.
Let’s talk about Hiram Lodge.
The patriarch of the Lodge family and empire, Hiram (as played by the only Gargoyle King of my heart, Mark Consuelos), has been relatively absent from this season so far, which makes sense, given that he was the big bad of season two in many ways – he outlasted the Black Hood, and his machinations have driven much of the worst stuff that has happened in Riverdale so far. But this episode, The Man in Black, is all about bringing my Lodge of choice back to the forefront – except I’m not actually sure I like it so much.