The Cutprice Guignol

The Sixth Year: American Sigh Story

Category: Riverdale recaps

Riverdale S3E12: Bizarrodale

Every season, one episode has me capital-C Concerned about Riverdale. Is this show…alright? Do the people involved need help? Blink twice if you’re in danger, Madchen Amick. I’m calling your parents and staging an intervention.

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Riverdale S3E11: The Red Dahlia

Alright, so sometimes Riverdale does genre parody, in that sort of sly, if-you-get-it-you-get-it kind of way. And sometimes, it just lifts every cliche from the genre handbook and crams it into one episode and dumps it on your lap. This week’s outing. The Red Dahlia, was the latter. And this time, Riverdale is going balls-to-the-wall with its noir.

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Riverdale S3E10: The Stranger

After watching this week’s episode of Riverdale, I feel like I’ve been hit by a speeding train and now my broken, twitching body is trying to write these recaps before the life seeps out of me for good.

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Riverdale S3E9: No Exit

Before we start this week, I’d just like to draw your attention to the fact that my debut novel, RAPE JOKES, is available for pre-order right here and right now!

Well, we’re back – and in the break, it feels as though everything in Riverdale has gotten a lot more…concentrated.

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Riverdale S3E7: The Man in Black

Let’s talk about Hiram Lodge.

The patriarch of the Lodge family and empire, Hiram (as played by the only Gargoyle King of my heart, Mark Consuelos), has been relatively absent from this season so far, which makes sense, given that he was the big bad of season two in many ways – he outlasted the Black Hood, and his machinations have driven much of the worst stuff that has happened in Riverdale so far. But this episode, The Man in Black, is all about bringing my Lodge of choice back to the forefront – except I’m not actually sure I like it so much.

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Riverdale S3E6: Manhunter

There’s a scene in this week’s episode of Riverdale, a scene that’s so purely horror that it hurts: Betty confronts Alice in the family home, in the midst of an enormous storm. The lights cut out – for a moment, we can make out a shadowy figure moving past the windows lit by the watery blue light of the moon (it wasn’t Chic, but it was Chic, you know?). As Alice goes to check the circuit breakers, the Gargoyle King himself turns up in their front room. Fleeing to Betty’s bedroom, the pair stumble across an even more sinister tableau: a grave marker, with their names written in red, lying above a human skull. They scream, the camera twists in, and I’m over here cheering with delight.

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Riverdale S3E5: The Great Escape

I mean, ever since the first episode of this season, where Archie ended up in jail, I knew that we were destined/doomed to this plot: a prison break. But this week’s episode, The Great Escape, dives into the inevitable with hysterical commitment – and somehow, success.

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Riverdale S3E4: The Midnight Club

Right from Riverdale’s unbelievably kooky little nineties-throwback title card, I knew that this was going to be an episode that, despite myself, I enjoyed. And dammit, I did.

The Midnight Club, this week’s episode of Riverdale, is the long-awaited flashback episode, covering the teenage past of Alice,  FP, Fred, Hermione, and company as it relates to the current outbreak of suicides in the present-day Riverdale teens.

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Riverdale S3E3: As Above, So Below

Well, dammit, Riverdale might on on a roll.

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Riverdale S3E2: Fortune and Men’s Eyes

Well, shut my mouth and call me Jughead. Last week, I wrote that I was worried that Riverdale might suffer from some serious third season problems – basically, that it would run out of ideas and drag us through a bunch of shit that didn’t stick to the wall for the first two seasons. But, judging by this excellent second episode, Fortune and Men’s Eyes, I think I might just have been wrong.

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