Gok Wan: Definitely Not Glaswegian

by thethreepennyguignol

Do me a favor. Pull up a clip of How to Look Good Naked. Any clip, it doesn’t matter. And imagine Gok Wan with a heavy Glaswegian accent. I’m npt saying Gok Wan is, in fact, a heterosexual Glaswegian man posing to get women naked- I want to make that clear, that’s NOT what I’m implying- I’m just saying. His motivations would become a lot more clear. If that were. And I am not- I repeat, I am not-saying that was true. I am not trying to say I  think Gok Wan is actually a straight Glasgow-born man pulling the method performance of a lifetime in order to get women naked on TV. That is absolutely unequivocally not what I am saying. I’m certainly not implying everyone at Channel 4 knows this and he regularly goes to strip clubs with Vernon Kay after filming. That is not what I what anyone to come away thinking. No one.

Just idly watching an episode of HTLGN (oh, work it out) and, you know, it really does look lie he does this out of compassion. I mean, anyone would. I’d be a stone-hearted wench to not help a fifty-six year old woman improve her body image by getting to regularly see her in states of both partial nudity and emotional vulnerability. Somehow it’s less spiteful than Thinny and Boobana, Wan’s Gavroche-like presence making it all hugs and squeals. Which is fine. Which is made better by the fact he is not, in fact, a Glaswegian man with a semi. Which he isn’t.

In all honesty, the women do come away seemingly feeling genuinely better, and looking kind of dignified and strong, as opposed to nipped and tucked and sort of squidged into tight skirts and cuddly jumpers. You can’t fault him for the fact he comes across as charming, and pretty pleasant as a human being, his on-screen performance perfectly pitched. As if he’s rehearsed it for hours. Which he would have, if he was, say, a Glaswegian man playing the same role for his twisted sexual satisfaction. Which, as I have said and said again, he is not. You presumptive bastards.